ALL YOU WILL NEVER KNOW

Valentine, February.

2012-02-04T02:12:00.002+08:00

How fast time flies. Its been 2 wonderful month for me ever since STPM ended. Pretty much amazing things and people that passed by within this 2 months. And Yours Truly here had been sitting and rotting at home for about a month and only then she's consented to made up her mind to WORK. Honestly, the word WORK sounds pretty 'doomed' to me for the first thing that crossed my mind was bad tempered boss, dead clock, super duper hectic life, the always screwed up look work mate and lots more negative thoughts. But, amazingly, all these thoughts were all banished by the very wonderful first day of work where supervisors were extremely kind and humourous, working mates were awesome, and some not so awesome part was wearing an orange wig while sampling. sigh. Just to promote the Minute Maid Pulpy orange drink. Total no comments on that. Working as sampling isnt an easy task. Where you need to promote your product to almost everyone you see and not forgetting letting them try your product. :/

Promoting part was fun for all. Where you just need to stand there, put on your best winning smile, promote and thats it, the end of the story. But letting customers try your products was omg. I kno that, Its human nature for asking thousand and one question regarding new products especially females but the part where i hated the most is, they responded rudely towards you. There's something i cant stand and i bet most cant especially when you treated them in a nice, polite way, and you didnt get back what you gave. *shakes head* They cant even shakes head, say no and smile. Instead, either they shout at you, or put up an angry look which i dont think its nice to people especially girls. Oh, fine. I kno you're having a bad day but c'mon, at least a SMILE. LORD, i guess people needs to learn manners and smiling lesson. tsk tsk. What a world.

Im so very lucky enough for my working experience last only for 3 days. The last day was cool. Where the rain becomes our saviour, come pouring down and close shop. :) Chinese New Year. As all knows, year 2012 is the year of a Dragon in the chinese lunar calendar. So, lots of rain is expected to fall this year (thats according to mythology). For they say the animal Dragon lives in the heaven and loves the water. So when It plays, rain falls on earth. How true is it? *shrugs* Well, i dont know. New year, new beginning, new wishes. So, whats your chinese new year wishes? Wishes like getting prettier, getting whatever i want use to be on my wish list for like few years ago but now, its nolonger in the list. I genuinely wish for only good health and happiness this year. For that matters the most. Aint it, people? Well at least, i've woke up from a long deep sleep full of misery, negativity, right? *yawn* sleepy. Is time to recharge. :)

Merry Part, December 2011.

2011-12-31T16:28:00.001+08:00

December, as all knows is the last month of the year which is also my last month and year of schooling year. And i have to say its my best year ever. Year 2011 is the year that lets me learn most things that i dont use to. LOL. Some said through hard work and experiences, we tend to build in and realized most things. Well, i think those sayings are just true enough for me to imply into what i've got thru the year. :D Dont you Dear Readers realized that my Blog had been oh so happy compared to before? In case you dont, keep scrolling the pages and you'll kno. Guess its a good sign, aint it? *winks. And next, gotta learn to Smile like Avril Lavigne does. (p/s: my idol.) Alright, cut the crap short. Eventho STPM's over but i still got that feeling of going to school like, "Oh Crap! I got to sleep early or else i'll be sleepy in school." *smacks forehead* I guess i needed time to adapt for a while the 'No' school feeling. Hees. :D Im currently not bound to any jobs yet as im still very lazy for it and due to some cant-be-told reasons.

And oh yeah. Christmas this year is rather plain and easy. Nothing so special to be posted about. Just norm family gathering dinner and thats it. :)

"Smile more, you're beautiful' - Yours Truly.

Updates from Bali, Indonesia. Above you can see a real breathtaking scene isnt it? Its known as the Holy Temple by the sea side in Tanah Lot, Bali, Indonesia. Well, Bali trip was simply amazing and mesmerizing. Eventho the travelling part was boring which i must admit myself, but if you do really enjoy watching the scenery, taking every breath in every stop you go, you'll find it amazing. But too bad, we came at the wrong season which is the Rainy season that where ever we goes, we're accompanied by rain drops. :) It was cooling and pretty soothing too for your skin after a rough and tough month that you had gone thru, under that deep moist breeze. No joke, no lies. Its all truth about Bali. Some may find it boring but to me, its wonderful. According to parents there are loads more trips coming but under some personal circumstances, i rejected all. Dont ask why, i've stated the word, "PERSONAL".

I purposely chose this picture cause the background says it all. No special means. :D Today, on the last day of the wonderful year 2011, i was invited to attend a wedding dinner in which i dont really wish to go for im skipping my bff's birthday celebration in her house. Sigh. But, i've got no choice cause the one getting married in the big 'ol event later is parents' best friend's daughter so still, got to go. Sigh. Sorry, Bumpkin. Couldnt attend your birthday celebration. As you have promised that you'll only treat me for your birthday next year. :P Hope that day will come. Its 4:30PM and i got to be dressing up and all those so, bye. Write again soon. OH Yeah, i forgotten! Wishing everyone out there a happy happy new year 2012!! Have fun and God bless. :)

Merry meet, December.

2011-12-02T14:14:00.001+08:00

Alright. Blogging here doesnt mean STPM's over. Its just that Your's Truly is taking a break from anything else. :D Well, ofc you would want to kno how is STPM going on. Another 4 more papers to go and STPM shall be doomed! HAHAHAs. The papers went pretty smoothly except for Chemistry (the ever killing subj in pre-u). Oh well, thats normal. :) Skip that part. Finally December, We meet again. And next is CHRISTMAS!! Oh god. That will be super exciting this year like very very very exciting. Cause, its a total nothing to be worried about Christmas and it will be the best Christmas ever!! (for me) TeeHees. Before Christmas would be Bali, Indonesia trip for me. Its pretty distracting for now to even think about it. LOL. As i've said, i'll take it as smtg to motivate me to strive better. RIGHT? :D

And next. NEW YEAR 2012. It might be the year that some long awaits for. But as for me, its pretty heavy to leave such wonderful year, 2011. A year that taught me, realises me the most. You wont imagine how much i've learned, whether its literally or unintentionally. There's loads more in fact. Too much to be told. :D I guess i got to learn to pick and to let go. Hmmm... NEXT. Chinese New Year! CNY 2012 is pretty early. Its on the 23rd of Jan next year. Got to brainstorm on the wardrobe piece and the make up's ofc!! Seems to be so much up-comings for me! I bet you too out there the same, right!! *pointing finger*.

Gotta be prepared for the next paper so, Adious peeps! Stay tuned!

Addicted to this song, Click ME.

Finally.

2011-11-09T22:45:00.003+08:00

Sitting there, reminiscing those naive days when i just entered Pre -University was so much fun. Especially when you remember how distinct every single things were use to be. LOL. Couldn't believe that i'm now already at the edge of it. Yes. Sixth Form / O' Levels / Pre - University / whatever you'd call it, is coming to an end. A very end where its the last year of being in a high school, wearing school uniform, 'obeying' school rules and so. Never know that time passes by so fast that i don't even realize it. In another 1 more week, i'll be sitting for that big 'ol Life Sentence examination. Twas indeed very stressful, even more stressful compared to Secondary Five. But, i somehow manage to take control of stress, emotions and all those which also makes me feel so much better and happier. (Fyi, i laugh a lot in these few months!) Sounds good, ain't it? :D

I still remember so clearly that it was the 10th of May where i put on my school uniform once again after leaving it in the wardrobe for like 5 months, sitting there anxiously in the school hall waiting for my BFF to arrive, looking at new faces where they are all my own colour! Well, its like the first year ever i'm exposed to my own race you see after 11 years of schooling. I have to admit that i'm having these discomfort w/ them due to difference in culture and opinion i guess? :D I was very head strong back then. Refuse to tell anyone regarding these 'discomfort' i have w/ these new classmates that drives me half mad. Really half mad that i goes home crying everyday! How saddening. But anyway, i was too silly to really take those things into serious account that drives me that way. :D

Remembering those hectic, packed time table i use to have. Rush right away for tuition in school uniform after school, eating w/ tupperwares in the car, and finally reach home exhausted. HAHA. Those were real sweet times and i can guarantee like 100% sure that i'll be missing them after exam eventho i actually can't wait to finish it. And one more, not forgetting how much tears that i've shed in Form Six. HAHAHAHAHAH. LOL. Yeah, it was very hurtful, disheartening, saddening or what so ever definition to be given to it, That time. Im stressing it again, That time and not now. (You better believe me or else i'll #chrisbrown you!) NEH! Just kidding! I will never be that kind of girl anymore you see. Somehow those hurtful, disheartening, saddening times made me realizes something that i have no idea how important it is in life. And thats Forget and Forgive.

A simple word like "Shokay." , "Sorry." can make so much changes that i've not even imagined like never in my life. Well, do you? HAHA. Its okay that you don't realize it now, it's better than you don't at all. Right? :D Anyway, if any of my classmates of Pre-U2Azalea is reading, i really wish that you know how wonderful all of you had been to me eventhough there are times where i'll throw those unnecessary tantrums or maybe insulted you be it verbally or action. You girls really made my day and allow me to give in so much and realizes loads of facts that i don't. And Thank God for letting meet such wonderful mates like 'neighbour' , LeeHua Leong (the girl who sits in front of me in class) and MiaoShan Saw (my deskmate). You both makes me feels so warm in class as in the warmth of friendship, and are willing to listen to my never ending tales that the teachers sometimes got to call our names for chatting! :D Cheers to that. I sincerely wish that we'll be in the same University as room mates / course mates. May God bless us all w/ peace, love and wisdom in this exam! I love you, girls! :')

Mandarin, "Ke Yi De, Ke Yi De! Wo men yi ding ke yi zhou de dao de! Wo men yi chi nu lik!!"

Dare to DREAM!

2011-10-27T18:53:00.001+08:00

Its been a really Hard, Tough month for me. And the best thing is, i've never complained. I did nothing. But instead, i blamed myself for all the failures and faults. I guess, its better this way as life's never a smooth going journey. Ain't it? Mood really swings but i really hope i wont lose control of it like i use to do before this. I swear i'll never repeat it-never. Hard and Tough month for all Upper Pre-Uni students as they never stop fighting those bold and huge tidal waves that never fails to make their way. And i am one of those Pre-U students. I think im much slimmer now than before that makes me looks even longer and some said i looks taller. :P HAHA. I actually hopes that i can grow another 4 inches tall. (pls, Lord. Just another 4 inch.) People might thought i've gone nuts for having such craves. Ahh~ Let it be, their mouth, their opinion and i can't do a thing.

My long hair is growing even longer than before too. To be more precise, its almost touching my waist. HAHA! *laughs. I kno, i kno, its time to layer it a lil' right at the bottom. And, not forgetting my face. Its so oily now w/ black and whiteheads. How i wish to clear 'em off! But, its not the right time - YET. How i wish to have a warm bath full w/ wild rose scent all over the bathroom and petals of roses everywhere. (Guys, never imagine that. I bet you'll half puked!) And i kno that wont like will never happens not until my life sentence examination (STPM) officially ends. Hmm.. Honestly, I'm not even well prepared yet to sit for that exam. And teachers never fails to race to me to tell me that I'm still weak in this and that. Quite tensed up to hear that actually when i already am working, pushing myself. I don't want to repeat what i have done back in Secondary Five. Twas a pure nightmare.

Im trying at my best not to burn my midnight oil and try practicing healthy lifestyle as i don't do it before this. Good isn't it? Well, just received the news last night that the school teachers would like me to perform again next Monday for that launching of "Reading Week." A malay song was chosen and i was actually not quite happy w/ the decisions made where i was forced to duet the song w/ a girl younger than me when we both cant blend in our voices and the song is of total awkwardness. Sigh. I have to say that the girl doesn't sound so good as she don't kno how to differ high and low key which also troubles me lots when i was trying my very best to fit into her key. But, itshokay. I guess God is trying to test my talent. :D HAHA! I don't call my singing as one of my talent before this but after getting tonnes of compliments even from the school principal, and then i dared to say that its one of mine.

I kno that there're many amazing people w/ truly real and great talents out there, better than i do, awaiting to be heard or seen. In case you're one of them, Do not ever give up as there are thousands of big chances for you to grab hold on to. So, never stop trying and believing, be positive even if you fail to, and c'mon, work hard to achieve your goals, your expectations and your DREAMS!

I have Big Dreams too. I bet you too the same. :) I shall achieve mine someday.

Happy Diwali.

2011-10-26T14:57:00.002+08:00

Greetings people! It really has been a while since i last blogged. Feels so revived after a consistent workout and stuffs. :) Its tiring at first but slowly getting use to it. Gotta get rid of all those defections whether its in/ on me. Every single aspect got to be corrected whether its health wise or whatever before i officially land my feet on that lifelong experience. Well, many were astonished w/ my thoughts when i told 'em. HAHAHA. I know that its pretty challenging but i would like to take up that challenge. At least its smtg that i can learn more and exposes me to those things i never had in my life. So, "What is the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable?" - John Green.

Waking up as early as 6/7 am for breakfast of course. (Im not the kind of morning person who would get up earl' just to workout. Sorray.) Momma's sick recently and that i got to skip school on Monday to take care of her. Ahahahahs. Sounds filial, ain't i? :D Purposely went down to one of the wet market near home to buy some vege and stuffs related to it. Its darn hilarious when its so very obvious that i've got ZERO knowledge about choosing those veges. Luckily there's these very kind looking aunts to help me out. Problem solved, went home and get into the kitchen. Another prob arise. I actually got ZERO experience on cooking but nevermind, i'll let my hands try. For the entire afternoon im in the kitchen and the results are only a pot full of ABC porridge. *laughs. My first time, aye. Prepared some side dish too, of course.

Very much apologies that there's no pictures about that. Was too busy the entire day! Off from the kitchen and next is laundry. Oh, God. That pile of clothes. A little tensed up to see 'em. Separate every single piece of them and began the washing. Done. Cut the story short. Done w/ all the houseworks and its already evening. *wipes sweat. Total no time to even do my revision. Off for a nap. :) Took a really quick shower and watched my favourite drama series. And alright, after a busy day, i shall end it w/ a simple workout + yoga. Thats how my days ends this week. Busy and tiring indeed, but at least i learned something that can only be felt by heart.

Last but not least, HAPPY DEEPAVALI to those who celebrates!

Celebrate your days w/ joy, Everyday. :)

The Big Day.

2011-10-01T12:46:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, Two teachers from my school are retiring on the same day. Awesome, not? HAHAHHA. Idk why i suddenly feel that my skin underneath is so thick that i dare to stand out to sing. (Thats what i felt after watching my own video) :D Idk, how was it so, watch it yourself. But, do promise me smtg. Please, DO NOT LAUGH. Thank You.

The School Counselor warned me before performing. Saying that i'd better perform well as if im singing on reality shows, and mind you, one of the 'Datuk' is there. Ohh, my.. WTH was my reaction and followed w/ laughs ofc. Teachers loves my singing and so do the Senior Assistants.

Im really glad that they liked it. Was so worried in the backstage regarding it. Fuhh. During rehearsal on thursday, the teachers actually requested me to sing the song again. Yes, the exact song for the second time. Well, i cant say a thing but to do it. They seems to enjoy it so very well. Right now, they no longer call me by my name. They're actually calling me Celine Dion - Ipoh Version. Go ahead, laugh. Anyway, Thank Lord for giving me strength for all this. And i hope, He do not only give it to me. But also to those needy ones. :)

Twas a great day indeed. Thank Lord for blessing me such

a fine day. XOXO; Tinkerbell

Im Alive again.

2011-09-29T17:58:00.007+08:00

Friday means tomorrow. Two of my school teacher will be retiring. And, guess what? I'll be performing 2 songs as one of the on-stage performance. Yeah. Teachers love my singing after listening to it for like the first ever time during that Sixth Form Farewell. Rehearsal this noon for tomorrow's big event. Fuhh! One word for it, TIRING baby! But its worth it. At least i dont have to sing myself to sleep every night. HAHA! Yes. I still does that. The most ridiculous thing on stage is that, i remember every single word of that particular lyric when i cant do that down stage. Ridiculous is a bad word choice i guess. Miraculously would be way better. :) Wondering what song i'll be performing? Here you go, Gemilang and Im Alive. The song Gemilang, i'll duet w/ one of my mate. :) Well people, wish me luck that i'll perform well enough. HAHA.

Thats all for now, Adieu. :)

As Promised.

2011-09-20T20:03:00.005+08:00

Im late to update here actually. But isnt it better late than never? Lol. I've been pretty busy lately w/ lotsa lotsa things to be done, things to be planned, and things to be told.

Fuhh!Things to be done first;

Mark up all the weakness (I wont tell u what), download lotsa docs,

lotsa unfinished task, lotsa things to buy within this week.

There's more but i dont think that i needa update like from A-Z?

Next; Things to be planned;

Post STPM vacation trip to Bali, Indonesia.
well, I dont really like this task when the thing that im planning
is like ages later??

Oh, nevermind. I'll take it as a motivation to strive better then. :)
Then; Things to be told;
Congratulations, Dear Readers. You're finally at the beginning
of the entire story. LOL. Not funny. I kno.
Cutting the story short, updates from home first. Recently,
yours truly adopted a fighting fish which also scientifically named
as Betta fish. Dont kno what it is? Nevermind.

So, this is your's truly's. :)

Trials officially over for like a week ago but there is still pressure on top of our heads. Yea, yeah. What's life w/out pressure, aye. Alright. Trials down. Another rises. Smtg that most girls would

be excited for. Guess, what? Farewell a.k.a Graduation Night. Well, well.. This would be my last like really last, LAST grad night ever in high school for there's no more. so, what else? Gotta make it the most remarkable one ever. Guess what, Your's Truly will be performing on that night! Solo singing, I'm Alive by Celine Dion. Many questioned me on the song option but i didnt answered. But i will, here. There will be teachers present like your always stern looking Principal, teachers and blah blah. So, i gotta choose smtg that suits all. Not to young, not too old.

And i think, (crossed fingers) hope that im not wrong. :D

Have a blessed day, people. :)

Smile.

2011-09-03T17:56:00.004+08:00

Trials in another couple of days and it will officially ends on the 13th of September. Just checked the STPM examination time table today and its all beginning on the 21st of November till the 13th of December. Lord, pretty long isnt it? But, i think its worth it to squeeze out every single drop of your brain juice right now when there's a luxurious hols awaiting ahead. Am i right? :) Oh well, this blog will be fully transformed right after 13th of September. Its still undergoing lotsa construction work right now. So, Hang On.

*Yawn* tired w/ those long long words, long long paragraphs, long long equations. *another Yawn* So many things to remember and yet so little time. Well, blame my idleness for sucha long delay on revision. Shud have done it way earlier. Hmm.Well, whatchu expect when there's thousand and one temptations, activities going around you especially weeks before you test. HAHA. :D

Alright fingers. Stop typing!

Yours Truly is currently off for a book WAR. :D

STPM

2011-08-31T02:56:00.001+08:00

"Its not easy, but its not impossible!!!"

Precious

2011-08-05T21:12:00.002+08:00

Alright. Its early August. And in another 3 more months, i'll be graduating.

and in another 1 more months time, i'll be sitting for the pre-life sentence

examination. Which i think i need not describe more. Need i? *LOL*

Oh, Tinkerbell. Dont let your fighting spirit down. Let it soar.

and those acnes, blackheads, whiteheads, eyebags. Oh, how i wish to clear 'em off!

Pure Adrenaline.

2011-07-19T00:00:00.001+08:00

Click me.

Fast Update.

2011-07-13T20:29:00.002+08:00

Alright. A quick quick one. I'll be sitting for my life sentence examination

in just another 5 months. So, Facebook closed temporarily and poor Blog

will also be dead in this mean time. Life in Science Stream sixth form is

never an easy alley. So, real no jokes. :s

Falling outta everywhere. I meant fashion, those super hot updates, and

even academic! Twas, really really bad. *shakes head* Shokay. Shokay.

It will end sho soon. Bare w/ it, Tinkerbell.

2011-06-19T03:03:00.001+08:00

"Pero Me Acuerdo De Ti"

Ahora que ya mi vida se encuentra normal, ooh, ooh
Que tengo encasa quien suena con verme llegar, ooh, oh
Ahora puedo decir que me encuentro de pie
Ahora que me va muy bien

Ahora que con el tiempo logre superar, hmm
Aquel amor que por poco me llega a matar, no
Ahora ya no hay mas dolor
Ahora el fin vuelvo a ser yo

[1] - Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y otra vez pierdo la calma
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y se me desgarra el alma
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y se borra mi sonrisa
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y mi mundo se hace trizas

Ooh, oh, hey
Ahora que me futuro comienza a brillar, hmm-mm
Ahora que me han devuelto la seguridad, oh, whoa
Ahora ya no hay mas dolor
Ahora al fin vuelvo a ser yo

[Repeat 1]

Oh, oh, whoa
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Oh no, no
Y se me desgarra el almo
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Mi sonrisa
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Mi mundo trizas
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Ooh
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Oh pero me, pero me, pero me, pero me
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Oh, whoa
Pero me acuerdo de ti...

Multipurpose toy.

2011-06-18T12:08:00.005+08:00

People take you as a toy in which they use and dump u the next minute.

Maybe your nature is too soft to fight back or maybe you have no great

soldiers marching w/ you and that is why you're best to be used. If they

wanna use, they can use it in a better way. But they wont. They somehow

use it for their own good, satisfy themselves and they never bother to

kno or care about how you feel. None of them does. Its like living in world

where you're totally invisible. They dont see you, they dont feel you. They

dont even kno your existence. But when they need you, they see you, they

feel you, they realizes your presence, they treat you way better in which

you have never felt before. Awesome? Not. (shakes head) You're a human

living in this earth and so are they but why are they discriminating you as

if you're some kind of weirdo from outer space?

You have no choice. No other choice given. All that you can do is just to fake

a smile and sit in the corner of the room. Is that all you wanted? No. You

want something better. I bet they wouldnt wanna be in the situation you're

in right now.

Why are you so mean? Link.

Pain, tears, grief.

2011-06-11T10:48:00.005+08:00

Shaky breaths, stinging eyes, tear stained face, tear stained tee.

Eyes are swollen due to swelling tears, twice yesterday. One at the

noon. The other, at night over some unspoken reason. I am no

brilliant ass who scores well in all her papers. And whenever she

have that spirit to really wanna score, there will and always will be

something to pull that fighting spirit down. Down to somewhere

foreign that she dont even recognizes. All she sees is just Darkness.

Just then something silver shimmering in the Dark. She thought it

was Light. But she was wrong. She was fooled by Darkness that she

fall so hard. The silver shimmer that she saw in the Dark is actually

Dark silver chains that are chaining all over her. The Light that she

have been looking for is still so very far away. Thats right. Inside the

chain, she's crying, pleading, screaming, fighting but did anyone sees

her or hear her? None. Noone. Just Darkness and its scornful laughter.

There are times where her spirit is so very down that she almost

give in to Darkness. She didnt but the spirit within will never always

be so strong to fight against Darkness. One day, it will fall too. Just like

Angels. Some are wonderful, pretty, holy, happy angels. Not all are the

same. There are some who fall. Right now, it hasnt fall- Yet. But its

already shattering so bad. So very bad. She blames noone. She kno's

that nobody is to be blamed except herself. She might be looking strong

with a smile on her face but within her she isnt. She dare not be

happy as she kno's that the happiness in her is temporarily. It doesnt

lasts. Maybe for a couple of seconds but not forever. Even the spell

cast on Cinderella breaks when its 12 midnight sharp. To her, happiness

is now a form of illusion. Sigh.

So, when you're happy, appreciate it before it turns out to be nothing.

If i die young.

2011-06-10T20:54:00.004+08:00

The Question is,"Are you afraid of dying?" I would say no and

If i really do die young, i think i hardly have any regrets left behind,

except one. I did all that i've done, i've experienced more than i've

expected. But there's one thing that i would want and die for the

most. And thats to live a happy, thought free, and healthy life. This

is the one and only thing that i lack most in my eighteen year old

life. Nothing else. I've not been happy wholly, i've not been thought

FREE at all, and i've not been healthy at all. I might be looking "like"

at my best but im actually not. There are times where i dont find

any interest of why should i survive in this earth. HAHA. seems like

nothing fascinates me anymore except pure health. Pure pure health.

(smiles)

Lovestrucked.

2011-05-15T16:30:00.004+08:00

Greetings people! Its been a while hasn't it?

Exam's over for the past two days and finally im freed from the chains

of books. Baby, its over!! woohoooo. there's lots to be done in my

post-exam list. :P I assume everyone's like that. C'mon, have a break.

(grins) I guess, i dont have to be like Cinderella (above) in this mean

time. But very soon, i'll have to be like that, once again. Once you get

it started, there's no way for you to stop doing it. Its a Sunday and

basically im out of idea of what to do. Obviously, no more books. None.

Im home with my PC on, staring at the screen of the monitor, holding

the mouse. How pathetic? I dont feel like sleeping cause have been

laying eggs on the bed for hours already so, its a big no to get in there

again. But when i doubled my glance over my bedroom, i got that

sudden urge of "renovating" the entire room. I've been living in this

room for 8 years. My, My. And its just the same like since 8 years ago?

I love Random pictures a lot. No specific type of pictures just pictures

that captures my eyes, i'll save it. Hooray. Found a job to do for the day.

:D Explore what's in my Pendrive. Amazingly, i found these pretty

bedroom pictures. Mind you, I said pretty bedroom, Bedroom. Dont

slip your mind off somewhere, aye. :P

I love Floral Printings a lot since ... Since Im a girl once again.

Its actually a toy's room i guess. :D

This messy? But i like it.

Got one already.

This! Oh this! (ignore the pair of legs.) I like this room. Its pretty

isnt it? Just that the curtains got to be more thicker, TV sets, wardrobe,

Full length mirror and Perfect! Too bad. I cant do that right now. Mum

would have slaughter me offfff! (laughs)

Shoes play a itsy-bitsy part in me. Idk why i dont fancies so much on

shoes. Perhaps, thats me i guess. :D So, no shoe buying.

Shoes doesnt play much. But... clothes does on me. (smiles) On every

girls out there i bet. Naw, you tell me. Who doesnt like pretty clothes?

Undeniably, there is exceptions. But, im talking about majority. Wins.

Clothes. Hmm.. Shopping might not be today. Perhaps some other

weekends. Yours Truly is shooooo extra ordinary Lazyy. (stretches

body).

Totd : " Be grateful. Life's never a smooth on going road. So, keep

going and never look back."

Vale. Te amo, melle.

Insane

2011-05-07T22:37:00.002+08:00

Exam since last week. It will ends officially next Friday. Its been so
hard these month. Way harder than before. Filled with all those
sleepless nights, never ending jobs, unstoppable thoughts, and
nightmares. I can say that everything is driving me half mad. I
constantly lose my sense of right and wrong. Throwing tantrums
to whoever and wherever. Mood swings like heaven. and many
more. Perhaps the problem lies in me and on noone else. sighs.
Is my expectations way too high that i got myself disappointed
over time? Or maybe it was fate that pulls me to such stage? Or
perhaps some crazy bitchass cast evil spell on me that spoils
almost most of my days? Do tell me which. I do wish to understand
the real truth that is being camouflaged with all these dramas. Lord.
Once again, i seek you for your forgiveness over my sins. I dont
mean any of them, whether it is directly or indirectly.

I almost got my mind slipped off me. It really has been bad. So very
bad. But i kno that it wouldnt be as bad when compared to those
victims of those unwanted disasters. At least it doesnt hurt/mess me
up physically. But emotionally. It doesnt feel nice at all being happy
for that few seconds and the happiness will just fade away after that
very moment. Do you know how does it feels like? Do you? Do you
understand? You'll never. Perhaps God will. Please, stop it with me.
Stop all these unwanted scenes and nonsense. And Darkness, Please
do stop triggering my nerves. If i couldnt take it, i might just give
backwords. And never blame me for that. Fuck all this nonsense. Fuck
all of it. Let me find peace and let peace be upon me. Please, do let me
rest. I dont want to seek alcohol and silence for assistance anymore.
Im tired. I really am. Give me the key to unlock all these dark chains.
Its suffocating. It really does and stop tearing me apart. FUCK everything.

No promises

2011-04-16T19:07:00.005+08:00

"Stop it!" , "Stop it right there you, asshole!" ,"You're getting my
temperature rising!" , "Lord, provide me extra strength." These
are the words that keeps running thru my headspace. Drama's
on and off. Never ends and never fades. Whathefuck right? Im
not being bitchy but the truth is, those lil' devils keep triggering
the darkness all around, got it messed and throw it all at you.
And yeah, you got to clean up that mess. It doesnt feel any good
at all. Exam is just few weeks away and its mid term. i really
dont want to screw my mid term at all but it seems that there's
many obstacles ahead. Honestly, i did feel like giving up. I mean,
stopping form6, go to college and done. But, there's more and more
challenges that i'll be meeting right? Sigh. I shouldn't be complaining.
But i cant help it. It feels even worst keeping everything in there.
At least i feel better after leaking some out. Too much that have
happened recently. *yawn*

Next. Scoliosis. Though i dont really like speaking about it but, i
somehow got to learn to accept facts laid in front of me. RIGHT?
It hurts emotionally and physically. Its getting more and more
obvious than ever. Oh, Dear haters, this will be your so very good
news. Am i right? Anyway, i've got no other comments regarding
the big initial, 'S'. Argh, fuck it. Yeah, fuck it. All i can do is just,
practicing more good postures and yoga. Pray for miracles to
happen as well. (it won't happens.)

Aloha means hello, A hui hou means goodbye.

2011-04-11T21:48:00.002+08:00

In life, we cant possess something that remains with you forever.
But there's one thing for sure that will remain with you till the day
you breathe your last breath is, Memory.

Currently listening to Listen to your heart by DHT and Only
human by K. If you have the intentions to leave, bid goodbye
and do so. A hui hou.

Hollow

2011-04-03T10:13:00.002+08:00

After the tragedy happened yesterday, im feeling so bad. So very
bad. Many things shot thru my headspace, running out of ideas,
running out of almost everything. I can feel that im empty inside
out. I wanted to cry, but i didnt. It seems like i've lost my track
of wrong and right. I've lost every little pieces that made up my
soul. A more clearer view, im shattered. Looking at my own
shattered pieces on the ground knowing that i wouldnt have the
strength to pick them up and stick every single piece back together.
The tragedy was bad. IT was really bad that i use up my all against
it. I dont kno what's right to do next. I seek help, hope, guidance,
strength to reunite all the shattered pieces back together. But all
that i see is a piece full of Darkness surrounding me. I dont see Light.
I dont see anything. I see nothing. Tell me what should i do next, Lord.
Do tell me. Many tragedies that had passed me by has never been
as disastrous as this. Lord, i seek nothing else but you. Nothing else.
I just need to kno what should i be proceeding next and move on with
it.

Ya estoy de vuelta.

2011-03-26T10:29:00.004+08:00

Dear Readers, here she is. From Where is she? to Here she is again.
Its been a very very busy month and i think i needed a break from
all those no ending dramas. imagine. Dramas with no commercial
break. OMG right? sigh. one down another one rise. headache.
Allow me to have my own sweet time and babble alright? (i dont
think i needed permission to do so. wtv) Exam as usual. crack the
heck outta us all. uh oh(s) can be heard as the exam slip was given
from one table to another. HAHAHA! :D Nothing special really
happened since last month. Just more and more books, homeworks,
assignments, projects, responsibilities and the another thing is that,
even i myself cant say whether is it an advantage or not? Say what?
my Mandarin improved tonnes! Try speaking in Mandarin with me.
Andandand, my other languages dropped. Yes. Stop wondering. Its
my English and Bahasa Melayu like whathef*!

Never expect this from me, right? D-U-H. Me either. No, no, no. im
not gonna allow that to happen. *nervous* gotta be doing something.
Ohmigod! i dont kno where else should i be hiding my face. Dig a hole
and bury my head like what ostrich does? Oh, whatever. Maths and
Chemistry is killing me inside out! i've never imagined that i have to
kno (like i wanted to kno), must kno in fact so many laws, equations,
formulas like whathefuckmothersavemyfuckingbrain! Lord, please.
I beg you. Dont give only me but do give every single form6 science
students extra strength and energy to remember all those craps.
*shakes head.* School principal had been a pretty brilliant ass in
which she insists all form6 teacher to only facilitate us, give out only
30% of work and never teaches in the classroom. Like woe, isnt it?
The rest 70% should be from us. And she's makin our damn schedule
so fucking pack in which we're still having our curiculum activities
on eventho its an exam week. Who wouldnt fail? You tell me.
Another most brilliant thing is that she's targeting the first two
classes to get four flats. Just so you kno, yours truly is in the second
class. You'll find me 6 feet underground next year when STPM '11
results officially's out.

Tinkerbell Wouldnt wanna be anybody else. :)

Where's Tinkerbell?

2011-03-10T22:41:00.001+08:00

Currently, Tinkerbell turned her M.I.A mode on. Don't kno what's
M.I.A, Google it. (will be back with updates. Stay tuned.) *winks*

Valentine's Over.

2011-02-27T13:32:00.002+08:00

"Now every February, you'll be my valentine, Valentine." :))
Familiar with this line? i bet you are. So, February's coming to
an end. In which i don't really like it because, its drawing me so
close to STPM exam and hard month number three is coming so
soon. In just a day's time. Sigh. I screwed pre-monthly test and
actually did a lil' swearing that everything will be better in the
official monthly test which is on, 2nd till 4th of March. And, 4th
of March will be my MUET (Malaysian University English Test,
which is quite killing actually.) Trial test. Guess what? i did no
preparations at all for it. Oh gosh. I wonder what Band i'll be
getting this time. i better don't wonder.

Its pretty suffocating when your pre-test is this week and the
official test is a week after. And in between that pre-test week and
official test week, there's many assignments, presentations, bickers,
miscommunications, and blah! Sigh.. I've never been in this shoe
ever before and this is the first time experiencing it. Its hard.
Everyone is stressing like hell and when this assignments and
presentations are meant to be a group work, the Leader is a Dead
Meat. When the entire group member dont cooperate, throwing
every single ass job to the leader, make the leader look more like
a culprit (the biggest and evilest culprit in fact.) and BOOM!
She'll explode.

Unexpectedly, I was the leader. "What an asslicious job." i thought.
Sleeping debts, resting debts, homework debts, meal debts. and when
all these "debts" grow like a heap, you're dead i tell you. You're DEAD.
But, its alright. Its actually a messenger from above. God wanna train
a tougher inner me. i kno that and i cant deny that. God wanna make
me a better person. Yeah. I kno. Thanks Lord. But Devil on the other
hand is laughing, giggling happily over my hard work and try his very
evil best to insert negative thoughts in my mind and even messed up
everything in there since im physically and emotionally down. But still,
he find it not fun enough that he insert more and more negative things
in my thoughts.

Its okay. "Look at the bright side of every Darkness you confront."
That's my own quote. Im proud enough that my cousin brother uses
my quote as his favourite quote in his Facebook info Page. I'll try my
very best to fit myself in this quote of mine and live it. Darkness, i'll
defeat you someday. In another nine more months, i'll be freed from
your chains.

"Its not easy, but its not impossible."

Lord's Great,
Peiyee

GONG XI, GONG XI!

2011-01-31T18:21:00.003+08:00

Hard week's over. I thanked God for making days to pass me by

fast enough. Teachers gave us quite number of homeworks to be

done during cny. but i think most of us wont be doing it during

cny but before cny. I think i put down some weight again. hmm..

no idea. alright. updates about last Cross Country day. It was

not awesome but gruesome. there's scoldings, tears and blah.

Many fainted as our brilliant sports teacher wants as in insisted

more people to run on the day and less st john members to duty.

Brilliant, i tell you. Uncountable number of girls fainted and

there's only few members stayed in the school to perform their

duty including me myself. The entire situation was really as bad

as hell that i myself gained blue blacks over me.

I just couldnt understand what's exactly in that sports teacher's

head that she made an request to the Principal to limit the

number of st john members to duty and results in, us (the st.

john members) get scolding and lots more on the day. I have

been performing my duty as a first aider of 6 years in the

same school excluding this year and this is the first year i

experienced something so ugly that happened. The school got

very demanding in things like medicines and on, when they

already kno that we ( the St. Johns of RPS division) got no

enough income to buy those medicines and stuffs. And the

ugliest truth is that, we dont even have an ice box. We

actually use to have one but due to something, it gone missing

and lucky us, our new st john's teacher advisor borrowed us,

hers.

The Brilliant thing is, we dont have enough money to buy all

those medicine supplements, the teacher gave us only RM30

to update the entire empty first aid kit! I told the teacher to

claim it from the people sitting in the office but according to

the office's clerk, we have to do paper works in which it is as

thick as an encyclopedia and all those paper works only worth

RM30/40! now, you say What the hell! I've got no more idea

but to ask money from my parents in a more proper manner

in which i actually convinced them to sponsor one of those kits.

They did and thanked Above! Everything was done too late

for the teachers in charged are very extremely slow that i have

to wait till the day before the cross country to get the list of the

checkpoints and so on. Tbh, she is not experienced but she's

helpful. Im glad she is. But, the thing is, she's stubborn!

She dont listens to me but rationally, i think its right that a

teacher should not be listening to her students. RIGHT? but,

when it comes to this shoe, she definitely is Wrong! She's not

helping us but putting us in trouble instead! Since im the one

in charged of the almost everything regarding this whole damn

st john duty thing, so i was the one to blame and i was the darn

Culprit when the school and the teacher and controlling us like

HELL! Conclusion, No money, No members, No experienced

teacher and i have to say NO common sense school!!! Due to not

enough members on duty, me and the other friend of mine

worked like hell on the day. we ran almost the entire school to

"nurse" those injured girls. And the funniest part is, i almost got

sued from the sports teacher. I got scolded by her just because i came

late to "nurse" the girl of her favourite.

I cant stand her scoldings in front of thousand pair of eyes that i

ran straight into the room and weep. i cant understand as in i cant

get it why. Was i the one to blame when the whole damn idea of

limiting the number of members on duty was her? Was i the one to

blame when i already am working like hell on the day? Was i really

the one the blame should cast to? FUCK! After enough weeping, i

came out and continue "nursing" those injured girls. After

everything's over, i took the opportunity of the prize giving ceremony

to talk to all my juniors, teach them, and tell them about my

experience today and make sure they wont walk the path i did. I

wasnt strong enough to hold the tears and how i wished there was

someone stronger than me, telling me not to cry and speak words of

wisdom to me. but, there was none. only 20 pair of eyes looking at

me filled with understanding. Im glad that they understand what

i was trying to tell them. It was bad. really bad.

Tuition right after the day. Its tiring that the sir can even notice the

tiredness in me. and he goes, ...

Pei Yee, what's wrong with you? Why had your eyes gone so

small? I remember you have big beautiful eyes. Are you sick?

I told him about the day and lucky that he didnt question me so

much for im dead tired. That was the day and its the worst cross

country experience ever to me. But i kno life's journey is never

smooth going. And i got to be strong enough face it. Thank Lord

for the spirit and the strength. Lastly, HAPPY CHINESE RABBIT

NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE, PEOPLE!! Have a blast!!

Praise Lord,

Peiyee.

Big initial S,

2011-01-22T19:00:00.004+08:00

Its been a long time since i last mentioned about Scoliosis. Right?

its obvious enough that im mentioning it again, here, this blog, today.

you're given a choice. To stay or to click on that 'x' button at the top

right hand corner of your window. alright? dont say that you're not

given any. Im not taking anymore medication regarding to it, for

some reasons which im not going to let it out. I did lots of research

on this, and found out that, there's many 'possible' (might be) way

to cure it. But, studies proved that only by wearing brace and

surgery will help cure it. i found an article saying that yoga helps.

I did but it doesnt seems to show me any positive signs. fine. next,

another article says that us, (scoliosis patients) are given 3 choices.

choice 1; do nothing. But only those who are having curvature

degree below 30 can do so. But for those who exceeds 30, are not

advised to do so. And mine exceeds 30. Great!!

choice 2; wear a brace. Its a wait-to-see-results where doctors

cant 100% guarantee their patients that they will fully recovered.

so, what do you think, Dear Readers? Positive : if it really cures,

then great. Negative : what if it didnt? Oh, FINE!!

choice 3; Surgery. where the patient will got to be bed ridden for

few darn months, NO vigorous exercises, where the body posture

should remain stiff and the percentage of recovering is high too.

sounds good, aye? BUT, some are fairly bad in which, it might

(for certain people under certain conditions) be cancerous. Yes.

It might be. So, a tick or a cross?

i still dont get a clear idea of why scoliosis will only affects girls

ten times more than boys. sigh. then, i wanna be a boy and not a

girl. If you're a girl, you'll understands how i feel. but if you're a

boy, you have no fucking clue. yeah, many convinced me to be

more on the positive note. Optimistic. But, if you're in my ass

shoe, will you be one? Yes. No. im trying every single day to stay

strong, dont cry, think about it no more and yeah. I somehow

succeed. But, this will never and wont last long. Right? probably,

this year and also next year, will be the last year for me to put

on my favourite clothes, pretty dresses and if miracles dont

happen, after next year, you'll be seeing me in those big baggy

guy tees, hunching perhaps till you cant even recognise my

fucking face. owh. Nightmare, isnt? i kno that im not the only girl

in the world who are broken now with this prob. But, it pretty

hurts deep in here whenever, wherever, whoever who mentioned

it, or come across with it. you wont kno how it feels like. you wont.

Cause, you aint me, you AINT me. Dear haters, you must be on the

top of the world am i right? to see me in such a condition where im

torn, broken, shattered emotionally and physically. HAHAHA.

Never try to cheer me up by calling me names like, Pretty lady,

beautiful, gorgeous, and all those names that an ordinary girl would

like to hear. But, never on me. Cause, its FUCKING insulting you,

Dick head!!! if you're angry after reading this post, you're a pain in the

ass. A pure pain in the ass. If you feel sad after reading, you're

Lord's child. If you sympathize me after reading it, let me tell you

what, thanks for your sympathy but, I DONT NEED IT.

Praise Lord,

Peiyee.

Remember me

2011-01-20T16:56:00.010+08:00

When Im dead, My Dearest,

Sing no sad song for me

Bring no red roses for me

Cry no tears for me

Spend no lonely nights for me

Mourn no grey days for me.

Remember me, when im gone away,

gone far away into the silent land-the darkest world.

Remember me, when you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor, i half turn to get; yet the turning stay-to kiss you goodbye.

Remember me, when you see me no more day by day,

you tell me of our future that you planned...

only remember me, dear; you'll understand.

it will be too late for you to counsel me-your last prayer

it will be too late for you to counsel me, your last farewell.

Yet, if you should forget me for a while.

And, afterwards remember me,

For, the darkness should be upon me,

A vestige by far that you should forget me and smile,

than that you should forget me and be sad. :)

signing out;

Ding Dong, updates.

2011-01-10T17:39:00.005+08:00

School means nerday. and its the last year for me to "enjoy" the

nerdyness. Noticed quite a number of change in the school and

realizes that its nice. AHAHAHAHs. first time ever in my life, aye.

Schedule is all time tight, pack. Reminds me of those days in

Form5. sweet. i miss it. Miss every single moment then. :) 29th

of January is my school's cross country day. will be very busy

then. i kno. and one more thing, CNY is just 23 days away! People!

Its twenty three days away! im excited to, yeah. as usual. CNY

shopping. HEEHEEHEE. Alright, time up peeps. Time for me to

re-dork with the book. Adious.

Fyi, the blogger looks like a walking zombie with Panda's eyes. Cute much? *laughs*

Merry part, December.

2010-12-31T11:33:00.008+08:00

Oh well. Its the last day of 2010. Many things had happened this

year. the bad, the goods. some makes me regret but some makes

me feel so lucky and great. awesome. :))

Jan-April, 2010

May, 2010.

June, 2010.

July, 2010.

August, 2010.

September, 2010.

October, 2010.

November, 2010.

December 2010. Notice that i've gone from shorter hairdo to long

hair. :) Next year will be longer i guess. :)

For you, my other half. :) 5th, 6th November, 24th, 26th December.

Lastly, Wishing everyone out there a Happy New Year!!!! and

God bless!!! :))))

Merry meet, merry part and merry meet again December.

Merry day after Christmas

2010-12-26T11:33:00.001+08:00

26th December 2010. Its a great, awesome day for me. :) Not

going to say much just, Merry Berry Christmas people!

My Favourite month of the year.

Favourite season.

representation of a heart.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Lastly...

Spot the Initial, sweetness. :)

Im feeling so ...

2010-12-13T14:40:00.003+08:00

I can do better - Avril Lavigne

"I will drink as much Limoncello as i can ..."

Runaway - Avril Lavigne

"I just wanna scream and lose control, throw my hands up and

let it do, forget about everything and runaway, yeah."

The best damn thing - Avril Lavigne

"And yeah yeah yeah im a lot to handle, you dont kno trouble but

im a hell of a scandal, Me im a scene im a drama queen ... "

When you're gone - Avirl Lavigne

"I've never felt this way before ... "

Everything back but you - Avril Lavigne

"Hey hey psycho babe ... "

Innocence - Avril Lavigne

"Its the state of bliss you think you're dreaming ..."

One of those girls - Avril Lavigne

"she's one of those girls nothing but troubles, just one look and

you'll be seeing double ..."

Keep holding on - Avirl Lavigne

"There's nothing you can say, nothing you can do, there's no

other way when it comes to the truth ..."

Get over it - Avril Lavigne

"... You already gonna get me mad ..."

Dont tell me - Avril lavigne

"Did i not tell i you that im not like that girls the one who gives

it all away ..."

Nobody's home - Avril Lavigne

"I couldnt tell ypu, why she felt that way, she felt it everyday"

Fall to pieces - Avril Lavigne

"... Wanna know what is real, I wanna know everything,

Everything ... "

Lastly, im just tryna be more optimistic so the last song, ...

Who knows - Avril Lavigne

"Who knows what could happen do what you do just keep on

laughing, one things true, there's always a brand new day ..."

Its ripping me inside out.

2010-12-12T23:27:00.003+08:00

Those blue blacks are still visible on both my knees and hands.

i dont like them, and i bet they dont like me neither. Instead of

gaining weight, im losing it. Another 2 Kg's lost in just 2 weeks

time. I look more like a walking skeleton than a human being.

sigh. I think i really need me some time to breathe or not a

psychiatrist and a counselor. I thought that the hols would be

the balm to the wound but it didnt. Instead, it got deeper and

deeper. I thought things would be better when time goes by but

it didnt. Not at all. Please, Lord. I hope you'll hear my prayers.

I hope i were given extra strength to overcome all this hard and

bold circumstances. I dont wanna cry anymore. I dont want to

kneel at the corner of my room, with hands covering my tears

soaked face. i dont want them. The more this is happening, the

more i visits silence and alcohol fer help. Im tired. In fact, very

tired. Exhausted would be a better word. Why wont the scar in

my heart heal? It wont unless you heal.

Pain, tears, grief.

2010-12-08T12:01:00.006+08:00

Whenever i thought of it, i fall on my knees and cried. I really do.

Why must Darkness cause me so much pain, so much tears, so

much griefs? Why? When this post is published, i might or will be

receiving text messages or maybe comments or private message

in Facebook telling me to be hold on and be strong. But, how many

a times must i be that? Cant it end? Isit so hard for Darkness to

do so? Why not just finish me off or else i will finish you off! But, i

cant do so. i just cant. you arent me and you wont understand

words and names that im describing here. I simply didnt make it

explicitly clear for you, Readers. There are times i think to myself,

in order of me stopping all this emo posts either in my Facebook

wall post or maybe Blogger, i need a counselor. Yeah, a god damn

counselor. Or maybe i dont need one. sigh. i kno there're many

unfortunate people compared to me. but, this Blog here, belongs

to me. Yeah, me. So, if you dont really like reading emo stuffs and

hell in the basket all time, you can kindly press that red botton at

the top right had side corner and Back off. Once again,

BACK OFF DARKNESS AND YOU!

Legal eighteen

2010-12-04T14:07:00.002+08:00

Yesterday. the day when i officially turn eighteen.

Nothing much. 5 friend wished me thru text msg.

and a few more thru Fb.

as usual, no celebrations just nothing.

Books that Dad bought me fer my 18th Birthday.

The number of novels are growing, you see.

and this cute pink backpack was from one of my

neighborhood & childhood bff. We lost contact ever

since the age of 12 till this year. Till we met again this

year and we became closer almost like sisters who

share our silly jokes, laughter, and most of all, our

never ending stories. I was shocked to death when

she handed me a big parcel when i reach home.

I was so close to tears that i can even feel the burning

sensation in my eyes. I blinked hard, thanked her,

and ran into the house. This was the only present

i've ever receive that was this big and was from a

friend. It was so not suprise that she was the only

friend among all my friends who gave me present this

year. Fyi, she's younger than me by 3 days.

so, her birthday is coming up next and i swear i'll

get her something that will shock her soul. :D

this is the second year of me receiving presents for

my birthday. Forgive me if i do exaggerate much.

Merry meet, December.

2010-12-03T09:04:00.008+08:00

December. The month that i hated as much as i love it. The month

where rain pours more than any other months do, where snow falls

covering every single thing on earth in the four seasoned countries.

Every evening, here in my little hometown ipoh, it rains. making

the entire environment to be so cold and damp. Its the perfect

time to hibernate actually.Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle... Im

pretty sure this line is familiar to all. Its the line from one of the

well known Christmas song entittled, Jingle Bells. that song echoed

in my head. I hear it almost every where i go. Telling me that

Christmas is drawing near but the day whereby im legally eighteen

is even nearer. 3rd December..

I kno this day would come. It didnt come too soon nor too late

instead it comes like any other ordinary days. When i woke up

this morning, it was damp. so damp that im pretty sure that it

rained last night. I didnt stay in bed for long. As soon as i heard

the alarm clock rings, i quickly got up and cleaned myself. I

remember it was only 0700 hour. Unlike other birthday i had

before this, i didnt put on something pink. Instead, Black. The

color black, represents bad, sad, gloomy things to all. I use to

and was a stereotype like that thinking that Black represents

all those negative things but that thought dies now. Not that

i've immersed myself into the pool of Darkness, its just the

point of view i once have, had now changed.

There's a Lazo Diamond fair in Ipo Parade and mum bought

something from there last night. I've never landed my eyes in

those beautiful yet expensive jewels instead i made my way to

Popular to look for novels. i went alone. with no company beside

me. Just strolling with my old pair of jeans and a tee. It was cold.

and i simply let down my hair. Parade. The place where i once

love but now hate. Placefull of wanna-be's, people who think big

about themselves like, oh-im-sucha-pretty-queen. I just dont

like it. went over to the non fiction corner where i can find loads

of novels that i've longed craved for. I didnt plan to buy any of

them but its a habit of mine, holding the book as if its mine, settle

down somewhere in Popular and read it. (Im no bookworm. Its

just, who the hell hates novels?) finally, Fallen book released

its second book called Torment. The cover was so deliciously

beautiful that i cant stop my fingers from grabbing it.

That very sudden, Darkness stopped me. It says fiction books

are way better than non fictions. I have no choice but to place back

that Torment book back to where it belongs. I feel like screaming,

yelling, crying like a toddler who cries for her pacifier. Its not that

im mad because Darkness stopped me from gawking and buying

the book but ... My inner babble line dies there. I feel like crying

looking at how happy other girls of my age was buying whatever

they need or want for themselves. Hatred and anger awaits within

me. Im pretty sure I'll have to confront Darkness again when im

home. I strolled in Popular from one section to another till i see

Father. Dad. He handed me the books that i wanted so much to

make it mine and a note on it. His hand gestures leads me to the

cashier. I didnt kno what to say or how should i react.

I got all the payments and rebates done, and hurried back to

ground floor where the Lazo Diamond fair was held. Darkness

saw me with the books and shoot me a dagger like look. i remain

silent and pulled my gaze away from her. Darkness was much

happier when dad agrees to buy that pair of earrings for her.

Got it packed and went home. It was an awkward silence in the

car between me, mum, and dad. Reached home and Dad told me

that those books are for my eighteenth birthday. which means it

was my Birthday present. i smiled, thanked him and hurried

into my studyroom. I didnt show any of my happiness for i kno

Darkness fed on happiness. I kept the books into the cupboard

and hurried to bed.

I realize i was sitting on the sofa having flashbacks of yesterday.

I instantly did all the house work i was supposed to do and i

wished myself, Happy Eighteenth Birthday.

Pressed Published Post.

Fall

2010-11-23T16:44:00.005+08:00

I dont like this feeling here. Where i dont even kno what does it

feels like. it seems to feel like im alone and foreign to this entire

wide world. i've tried being optimistic but yeah, failed. I wanted

to talk to someone but when i browse thru my phone book, i

realized that i got noone, but except fer you. i begin to ponder.

should i press on that green button or ... ? i placed my cellphone

on the table instead. Darkness. I hear it. It made me cried like a

sick peddo. Even in tuition. Beings in the tuition thought i've

broken up with my boy. but, they are wrong. As the teacher

start teaching, tears start pouring down and i couldnt help

myself but sobbed silently. I sent a silent prayer to above, hoping

that i'll be given strength to carry on. I havent any slightest idea

of why i cant be in good terms with Darkness as Light and Dark

had always be in equilibrium. It must be balanced. But why cant

Darkness and i do so? wonders.

I'd rather be hurt physically than emotionally. Darkness, i hope

you'll hear my plea. End everything and make peace with me.

At least not whole but a part of it. Pages of diary had swollen

with words on it and i have nowhere else to confess. But i was

lucky enough that there's an existence of Blogger. Its end year

break now ever since the 20th of November. Im glad that its

the longest hols thruout the year. And school will reopens on the

3rd of January next year and i wonder how am i suppose to fit in

that school again. Just dont like anything there. nothing. at all.

Fall. I am falling again. This time even deeper.

My Prerogative

2010-11-17T11:33:00.004+08:00

Many a times i've come across this situation. where

people around me which definitely includes

my family told me to stop. But, its just too tempting

and addictive to me. I Just Cant Stop. Back off if you're

sick of me drinking. You're so welcomed to do so.

Drinking doesn't mean im bad, evil, or all those bunch

of no good. So, mind your words and your

blardy business. Thank You, scusa.

Saw this in Penang. Its printed on a black

guy shirt.

Currently listening to ;

Stranger - Hilary Duff

Beautiful Disaster - Kelly Clarkson

Heartbeat - Enrique Iglesias

Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

XO, P.

Heartbeat

2010-11-16T23:29:00.001+08:00

3rd December. The day i was introduced to a world known as earth

by human beings. Every single year when this day comes, i dont

feel any happier. Miserable instead. Unlike other kids, i wont be

seeing candles, cakes, presents, beautiful decorations, blah. real as

truth, i dont. I wont be able to see those so dont call me an Emo.

It passes me by like any other ordinary day does. Parents dont

really encourage birthday celebration to be celebrated. So every

year when this day comes, i'll probably put on something pink.

It was the color my soul craves for. and every single year, there'll

always be something bad, something dark, something i dont want

to kno, something i dont want to hear and something i dont want

to see. I'd call it Darkness.

Darkness haunts me every 3rd December. It yells at me, nags me,

gave me words as sharp as blades, it feeds on my happiness. It

keeps feeding and feeding and feeding. And when the last drop of

happiness was being sucked out, Darkness left me crying, bleeding,

dying. It promises to come every 3rd December that i sometimes

wish that there's no number3 in the month of December. Life

becomes colder and colder each day. It seems like winter to me

eventho it was midday. I feel like screaming, yelling, crying but i

cant. I seek silence and alcohol for help. And we somehow liked

each other and became best friends. It was then it became my

best medicine, cure and remedy. Each time after Darkness visits

me, i'll confront it and seek for my best friends next.

I really hated the way Darkness fed from my happiness, yells at

me, nags at me, gave me words, call me names, inject pain into me

replacing happiness, ..... My medicine, my cure, my remedy fixes

me all the time when im down, exhausted, pain. Silence. It fixes my

every shattered pieces of me and rejoin them back perfectlyy,

Flawlessly. Alcohol. It soothes my shattered soul and let me sleep

in peace, just free thoughts sleep. Sweet. It really does. counting

the days till i will have to confront Darkness again. 17days away.

Its near. Very near. Im afraid of Darkness no more. I have been

confronting it too many a times. Everyday in fact. Every single day.

Light, i request for your warmth, love, happiness and protection.

ASWY, Heart.

2010-11-10T12:22:00.003+08:00

Many things had happened in just one day. Yeah baby. That one

day made my heart skipped a few beats. and yeah, i had FUN!

Dear readers, updates about my Penang trip will not be posted.

Kindly View my Facebook profile to take a look at those pictures.

alright. Back to school story. Its so not awesome to kno that you're

receiving test papers when you gotta go to school. But, no choice.

So, Got up in the morning. Got myself cleaned, ate breakfast, text

a bit, and head to school. Bloody pain in the ass assembly as usual

and god damn long lectures from school Principal. Got in that classful

of nerd herds and dork. Dorked with my House of Night novel. Then,

teachers start entering which means the bloody stucked up tape

recorder had turned itself On. Suck? isnt it?

People might think that i've lost my mind when i told some of them

about it. But, i dont mind what others thinks. I dont care. and i dont

fucking give a damn. what really matters is that how you treat it

and how you act upon it. I hope you wont mind me and my words

sometimes. Im glad that you're not like any of them. Instead you're

much different. Full of the tenderness that i needed, all the care and

the understanding. I hope this time, it will last. not like the ones that

i use to have, the bad ones in which i've kept it all in a box, sealed it,

dump it into the closet and never want to remember any of it. And

i call it History. I hope you'll never open up the History and set them

free. Instead, bury it and create new History. Just to let you kno, i'll

always have your back and dont hesitate to reach out fer me, Heart.

The song is A Year Without Rain, sugar.

Blessed November

2010-11-02T17:47:00.009+08:00

Jello Dear Readers. I've been away for some time leaving

my bloggie dead temporarily. Have been superb busy

that i skipped school. In case you dont kno, And

like i've mentioned in my previous post, im all busy with

the Halloween party bash. and since im one of the exco,

so that means work time! I was chosen to be in

full charge of the decorations and stuffs like that. I

took all the troubles to finish up all the decorations in

only 3 days time. plusss, im also the emcee of the day and

no doubt i got to prepare my speech and blah!

It wasnt easy at all doing those decorations. and i was

just so worry that the deco's that i made arent enough

to fill up the entire hall space. So now, picture time!

31st October 2010, Sunday.

click on the picture for a clearer view.

Coffins. Took me the entire day long to get it done.

i used watercolor to paint the ...

... pumpkins bumpkinss...

ignore the pair of legs.

yeah, i did spiders. 8 of them.

this is how it looks like when bumpkins have hairs

on 'em. =D

the decorations on the wall

the entrance deco.

MPP 2010/2011 EXCO members.

from left : President, vice president, Exco's etc.

The Emcee's for the day. (Yours Truly is number ninty six)

Dancing time. (people havent gone wild yet.)

Previous MPP President year 2009/2010

and

Yours truly. I wasnt in the mood that time due

to some sort of problem that suddenly arose out of

nowhere. But i didnt let it get over me.

Thank God that i manage to control it and didnt

show it while emceeing. Speaking about emceeing,

i suck in that. Did some pretty obvious

mistake while babbling but was lucky enough to

get it covered. Fuhh~ The entire halloween

party started @ 2 but the Exco members went

early to do some early preparations and it ends @

around 6. I didnt get the chance to eat much

cause of sudden mood change and i was the emcee

so doubt that i ate a lil'. Thanks to Sharon to

grab me some food and Thanks to Chou Yuen a.k.a

Bumpkin fer bringing me orange juice. If

they arent there, i might starve/thirst to death.

The End part was nice. I meant the Open Floor Dance.

Yes. There is open floor dance but the beings

didnt really know how to enjoy the music and

dance, of course. Most of them left early and some

stood there watching us dance. Its been a

real long time since i last danced like a wild girl,

and i grab this opportunity to really put my

hands up and dance without caring who & whats

around me. It was brilliant that a couple of

my friends, seniors joined. It was FUN!

We shake, shake, shake to the MAX! :DDDDDD

Home at last. I guess its time fer me to throw

every single thing behind and really sit back and

read my novel and sleep a little bit of forever

and go for travelling. Travelling. Tomorrow yours

truly will be off to one of her favourite spot in M'sia

and thats, PENANG!! YEAHH BABY!

Alright, its shopping, beach time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XO, P.

Your Voice is just like a steady presence to me. A voice

of calm in the storm that wipe away all the

pain and misery of mine. I heart you.

Babble Time

2010-10-23T09:38:00.003+08:00

I was as sick as hell for the past 5 days. Due to idk

reason. Maybe because of sleepless nights or whatever.

(who cares) i skipped two papers of mine in which

im now not very sure whether will i be allowed to

resit those papers? (nevermind, doesnt matters.)

Monday, 18th of October 2010. My first day of end

year term test officially begins. It started off with the

most ugliest paper ever, Chemistry 2 which i

have to spend about 3 hours sitting on that hard

wood chair answering and breaking my head for

the questions. Well, the paper start late, around 10.20am

but i was very certain that i wasnt feeling as

well as others could be. and way before the paper

started, i hyperventilated and that makes me

lie on the bed for 2 days. Yes, 2 Bloody days!

Day 2, Tuesday, 19th of October. Im still takingg

my medications and i cant even open my eyes.

Mum was so worried that she drove me to the town,

consult the doctor and got 2 injections.

Im not the kindof girl who's afraid of syringe and

stuffs like that. so, injection to me means, zero.

Okay peddo, day 2. I suppose to sit for my General

Paper 1&2 but i missed it. Boom!

Day 3. Wednesday, 20th October 2010. well, i

Got kinda darn darn well after taking

those medicines and 2 extra injections (when others

have to inject one. but 2 fer me.) fer me. sighs.

Day 3 is the day where i have to sit for all my

MUET papers. Fuck. Got missed again. Hmmm.

and day 4, im fit enough to be in school and writing

exam papers of course. i suck thru out the papers

for i didnt really touch the books. (you kno why.)

mum didnt say anything more than this line,

"Its Okay, you're sick."

I feel so bad when i heard that. Why am i this bloody

sick when exam is so near like its tomorrow.

The amount of medicines that I suppose to take.

Poor hand. :(

I've still got 3 more papers to end my end year term

test. sobx. each paper takes around 3 hours.

People, its 3 hours. not 3 minutes! Gosh. Poor ass.

On the 31st Of October 2010, mainly known as

Halloween Day, my school's MPP(student's union)

will be organizing a Halloween sixth form farewell Bash

Party. Yes, its party time.

Guess whose idea is it? HAHAH! Mine of course! sigh.

But a big big But - unfortunately, this

party is held in the afternoon @ 2! wtf, right?

And, one of the teacher advisor wants me to be the

Emcee of the day. OHMYGOD. My biggest challenge

ever thruout this god damn big year! :s Now that

im freaking freaking freaking NERVOUS about it!

XO, P.

Baby, Im back.

2010-09-22T19:49:00.003+08:00

I love her ....

.... her curves of course. :P

*

Okay people. I have been M.I.A for some time due to

not enough time. (what a reason.) well, nothing

so special happened lately. everything just the same as it

was. And yesterday was catherine andrea ashiran gerard's

18th BIRTHDAYY!!!!

wished her. gave her cards. gave her presents. :D

hope she'll like it. and and and, you'll be superb curious

of the reason why i uploaded 3 Maggie Q's picture

right? HAHAHAH. (Story time) well, its like this. I went

out fer Movie with Jo @ JJ last last sunday and

his mum saw me. actually we did sit together and did

a lil' talking and so that very next day, i received a text

from Jo saying that, according to his mother,

I do looks a lil' bit like Maggie Q. Mind you, its a LIL' BIT.

okay, a LIL' BIT. :DDDDDDDDDDD

alright. Its Time fer dinner already and so,

Bye, Peeps.

XO, Y.

Drunk.

2010-08-21T04:15:00.001+08:00

Here i am, sitting down, blogging again. (how lame. Its because of i cant
think of a proper line to start the entire post. whatever. who cares.) its
0400AM right now and i still cant place my head on that soft yet
tempting pillow for there's tonnes of question running shot thru my
headspace. I have been wondering whether have chosen the right path
or im just another dorky "obedient" daughter? well, i have to admit
that i kinda regret (in fact, not kinda anymore.) now. I regret for landing
my feets in Form6 and had forced myself so hard till now, today, this
moment, this hour, this second. Everyday, i dont feel like going to school
at all and thats the reason why i skipped school so often these days.
I feel so heavy, tired, tensed up everyday when im going to school and
back from school. I dont even kno the precise reason till i speaked to
Hor Yan, deskmate. She explained to me so many things that i've never
thought of as in, its out of my thinking box.

I kno that i shouldnt be doing like what she said that im doing but i just
cant help it. I have got no choice. Yes, no choice at all except for carrying
that heavy look and books to school and dork every single day. I still
dont get it why some of my classmates could be so fresh every morning
as tho as they had cleanse their spirit every single morning! I really dont
get it why and i keep on making pretty assumptions like, they are a
bunch of brainees and they studied less hours than i do and blahhh~
Hor Yan keep reminding me that its not the matter of brilliant-ness-ess
or whatever. its the matter of time management and that makes me go
"WHAT?!" Umm.. Maybe she's right. Maybe im dealing with suckyyy
time management. OR maybe a better word, Poor time management?
(Gross, i hate to sound so formal.) i dont kno why i got that sudden
urge, that i should stop my form6 and get my ass in just one of those
colleges and begin my new life there. But, dad will definately tear that
sudden urge of mine and make me a dork again. sigh.

Whatasadstory, aint it? HAHAHAHAHs. Thats my thought for about
10 hours ago. but now, i've changed my mind. (I kno, you're having
that "Im going to kill you, Pei yee" feeling right, Dear Readers?) ;DD
I talked to one of my many GodBro's. And, he make me feel better.
Better in a sense of Emotion, and yeah. thats it. Honestly, i really
wish that someone will just simply hug me from my back and whisper
those words of wisdom, telling me not to cry. But, too bad. Its just a
wish. Went Zin Co' (the taylor shop, in case you dont kno.) to take my
second piece of sea blue coloured skirt. Mum is smiling more than
ever when i put that White collared blouse, sea blue skirt and tie of
coz. I purposely bold the word, Second because ITS THE SECOND
PIECE MANN! THAT MEANS I WILL HAVE TO WEAR IT LIKE
EVER-RY-DAY?! Gosh. Too bad, its a Yes, Pei Yee. Mum said that
she'll make me wear that ....

Yes, EVER-RY-SING-GLE-DAY! starting from next week on. Oh,
Mama. You've been so GOOD to me lately. I love you tonnes. :'((((((
Alright, My eyes cant open that wide anymore and i guess, i'll be
seeing warm sunlight in another couple of hours.

Good night, peeps and you. XO, Y.

I can feel the heat in you, baby.

2010-08-19T12:02:00.004+08:00

Dear Readers; Im way too lazy to type out

sentence by sentence and so we'll let the pictures do

the talking, shall we?

Mama kno's that i've been a very very good girl lately

andandand ...

the box of Ferrero above is fer me as a

presie for being good i guess. ;)

Umm.. One more, ...

Saw that Novel "Fallen"? Thats from mama too. :) and

next to Fallen is Torment and do you ever

notice that lil' white word below there written

"COMING SOON."

(That means, i'll have to wait for it to be released in stores.)

Well that two lil' things above keeps me =) all day long

and suddenly, i got a call from dad saying...

that my Viva Elite will be back on a Friday. So,

my =) turned to this word, SMILE. All day long.

Spend my night with these so that my eyes could

open wide and to ...

...digest every single word from the book and that turns me

into a ...

...DORK!

You see that Initial A, Love? Its just the

beginning of the drama, not the end-yet.

*smooches.*

Jello August. ;)

2010-08-06T20:43:00.002+08:00

Time flies. Isnt it? its kinda fast that all those exciting events had all
ended. (Which means study time.) sigh. Thats life. My USBF kinda
suck. as usual. Thats me. I've never studied for Monthly test. C'mon.
Chill, its just a monthly test (i have to admit that it freaks me, tho.)
and there "should" be nothing to be feared of. oh, whatever. it makes
me feel like a pile of Monthly-test-is-of-no-good whenever i think
or maybe talk about it. so, we'll skip that part, aite? Last month
was really exhausting. i cant have a good night sleep almost every
night, eating disorder and even study disorder. Yes. Last month
brought me tonnes of thunder and lightning and its just like a Hell
in a hand basket. but, i think it kinda worth doing it all cause, at
least i've gotten a great feedback from the fellow people. and right
after the Big project was my USBF, (monthly test round 2.) test.
Its like, "Ah, Hell." My Project just finished and test is next. Gosh.

And now that its all over and the tides are all calm once again. I
really need a couple of weeks for hols @ somewhere relaxing mayb
Penang or one of my "Must go" Hols spot, The Golden Palm Tree
Resort. but i dont think i will be getting the chance. sobx. i have
to wait for another few more weeks for September term break.
and After that term break, will be the Hari Raya break. And right
after that, will be the Hols that everyone had waited for andand
next is X'mas. Ohmygosh. i cant wait!! sigh. I really needed fuel
to mend, just as lanterns needed fuel to burn. Im suffering from
inadequate rest back in these few days. Im all occupied with lotsa
revisions, homeworks, tuitions, and thats all. Very soon, i will have
to drive my butt all by myself to school. Parents planned to get
Yours Truly a car. :D Awesome right? Yea yeah. It is. But, im
kinda worried because, i will be all tired and okay, whatever. Hm..
I've promised Catherine Andrea Ashiran Gerard for a Girly Sun
this Sunday most probably @ JJ and perhaps Alex Sie will join
us for a while cause after that, he'll got to catch his Bus back to KL
@ 0530PM.

I've actually planned a reunion this Sunday along with my other 2
Besties but TBSS, they cant make it. They have got lotsa stuffs to
do as in assingments. well, you kno, i kno, they kno. Thats College
life, aye.. Nevermind honeys, we'll wait for some other days kay?
I kno you'll be missing me and yeah same goes to me. I miss
ya'll dead! Today, classmates all went and celebrate along with class
teacher @ PizzaHut for our excellent Job that we've all done on the
Curiculum day, without me. I saw the pictures that they took via
FaceBook and they looks happy. they even bought a Choc. cake
with a candle on it written, Haunted Cinema, 18PL. i smiled when
i saw that picture. It makes me think of those moments we have
back in our "Haunted Cinema." I kno that many of 'em in my class
might already hate me for they said that im being too bossy over
them. Its okay. sigh. Thought so that all these gossips will happen
exactly like what happened last year. Phew.

Mum got mad @ me for wearing Baju Kurung, everyday and didnt
even wear that white collared top with blue skirt that signifies you
as a sixth former. Fyi, i dont likes skirt. so, being an obedient girl, i
obeyed her and went to the taylor somewhere in the town. some
ipohites will kno where Zin Co' is. Thats the shop's name. Went and
custom make the white collared with front buttons top and that
sea blue skirt. *roll eyes* can you imagine me wearing that? Oh my,
oh my. And i can take it next tuesday and mum forced me to wear
it next thursday and i will have to get that Blue Tie with 2 white
strips on it by next tuesday. Hmm.. So Dear Readers, wait for the
pictures. Heeeessss.. Alright, study room is crying already. Gotta
clean up the entire mess in it. so, Adious people. XO, Y.

I cant take it, i should hate you.

Beautiful Saturday;

2010-07-31T17:44:00.003+08:00

As i woke up this morning, the air was so damp and it was a windy
morning. (thats what i hope for every morning.) I look out of the
window from my room and saw a pair of birds singing merrily
outside my window. and i thought, "Ah, how heavenly it is if this
happens every morning." with a smile, i went and cleaned myself
and ran downstairs. Ran down and saw dad's car missing. (thats
very obvious that dad went out to work.) Glance @ the clock hung
high up @ the wall and it shows 0730AM. WoW. i woke up uber
early today. As usual, i'll be waking up @ around 1000AM. whats
wrong with me? (i wonder.) then i went straight into my study
room and turned the radio on. The first song that i heard was the
song that i can rarely hear it on radio nowadays, Hate that I Love
you, by Rihanna feat. Ne-yo. Ate my breakfast @ the dining and
the next song ushers in with the line Can we pretend like airplane
in the night sky like shooting starss~ and i start smiling again and
thought to myself, "What a wonderful morning i have."

And after finishing my breakfast, the Deejay as usual starts to
babble and the only line i heard from him was, Kiss me thru the
phone and the song starts to play. Another favourite song of mine.
Oh, Lord. You're Great. :) after that kissing thru the phone, i can
hear another song and i immediately recognised it after listening
to the beat of the song. Naturally by Selena Gomez. Yes. Again.
The song that my heart loves. Then, i started to tidy up the mess
that i've brought to my study table last night. while tidying, i heard
somethingg.. Its a guys voice with slow and sweet melody and when
it comes to the chorus part, i pinched my own cheeks and let out an
Ouch. Its When September ends by Greenday. Yeah and exactly.
The song that i can rarely hear anymore on air. And when nickelback's
voice come right after the song, i raced to the radio and turn it off.
sorry to those nickel's Lovers or Fans. Sorry and i dont mean to be
"Mean." i dont like nickelback at all. as in his songs, his voice and
him as well. Continue revising until i dont even realize that its already
12 noon. Before i bath and get ready for Chemistry tuition class, i
sat there and smiled. (you must think that i've gone nuts. fyi, im NOT.)
I thanked Above for blessing me a wonderful day, today. ends with
lotsa Smiles. :))

Today's just like a Fairytale. :)

Dear Dear July,

2010-07-29T10:57:00.003+08:00

July's gonna end in another couple of days. and when august ushers in,
everything of mine will start to settle down and time to nerd again
with a hill lotsa books. August the 3rd, 4th, 5th, i will be sitting for my
school's USBF2 which means monthly test round 2. I bet im not going
to be performing well in it for i have been all busy for the past few
weeks. I talked to many people regarding my transfer to St. Michaels.
and i got lotsa nagging for it. and so, my last and very very last
decision would be a no. yes, im not transfering and continue being a
dork in that same old school. sigh. My principal will never ever let go
of any Ex-RPSians in any way. (she loves us too much, i guess.) :D
alright, thats first. Second, according to most of my school teachers,
ACS's science stream is all full. which means there's no more room
for me. Third, according to ashiran (catherine andrea's husband),
SMI's form6 teachers are blur and the periods are very long and
bored. sigh. Fourth, RPS is a five star school and also got nominated
as the Cluster school last year. so, most of my senior told me that,
usually the government Uni will give the priority to our school first.
at first, i dont believe it. but after witnessing so many of my seniors
getting in government Uni like, UKM, USM, UM and blah. it kinda
suprised me.

well, of course you want to get your ass into one of those government
Uni's dont you? so that your daddy's shoulders wouldnt be that
heavy. am i right? yea yeah. im thinking that way too. after getting
that long long lecture from both of my parents plus senior plus meow's
husband, i decided not to transfer but to stay. (Gosh, nerdy right?)
Dad keep on telling me to look at the bright side of the school (in
which i cant even see any.) and forget about the bad ones. okay, i'll
try. tbh, Upper6 teachers are "Okay" in my school but not Lower6
teachers. Like what mum use to yell at me saying that there's just
another few more months to go and i can officially tear off open
my school uniforms and all those stuff that i would call them nerdy.
Yea yeah. few more months. few more months. sigh. i think by the
end of the year, my parents could see many O's in my attendance
list. HAHAHHAs. when i dont feel like going to school, i'll definately
skip it just like today. i'll be having 3 periods of Biology with my
hypnotizing Biology teacher. oh my gosh. how sleepy that could be?
sigh. plus MUET with Ma'am Ju. (Geezz, she talks a lot ya kno.)
usually, during these periods i'll be busying with other stuff in my
own wonderland and exclude myself from that hypnoland and that
babbleland. SIGH. XO, Y.

Pain, but its okay.

2010-07-24T17:39:00.005+08:00

Finally. My grey skies turn blue. My biggest fear and worry has all
ended with great brilliant results. I think, im gonna be the school's
legend again. :) I directed Haunted Maze last year and won the
most sale prize with RM1200. Many teachers praised for the brilliant
job that i've done. And this year, once again, i directed Haunted
Cinema with the profit RM 1404 from hour 0830 till hour 0230.
Many people came and waited outside our cinema. i was darn happy
that everyone in the class is willing to cooperate with me. but, my
happiness turn into tears after listening to some words from 'em. I
was the director of the day and yet they can say that i didnt do work
at all. Just stand there with pointy fingers urging them to do work.
WTH. fine. its okay with me. it aint the first time. the entire class
girls now seems to ignore me and push me aside after the project is
done. nevermind. i'll try my best to be alone. i keep wondering the
whole day like, "What have i done?" "Is my words too sharp?"

Mum said maybe 'ey dont understand that "Big" word,DIRECTOR.
oh, forget it. we are Pre-U students and impossible they dont
understand it but Nothing is Impossible. Sigh. *Bangs my head.*
Perhaps it was my problem not theirs. yea yeah. it should be. sigh.
I have spend so many sleepless nights thinking about this crap ol'
project. The budget, the jobs, the costume, the position, the movie,
the make up's, the profit, the loss, the everything. Now that i look
very much more like a corpse when i didnt put any concealer on. :S
Nevermind. its okay, i dont mind. (If they dont say anything else, i
wont mind. but if they do, im gonna burst.) They dont seems to like
me at all except fer one two three of them. maybe Racheal was right.
Im Pathetic and weird. Fine. Fine. Fine. i sometimes scolded myself
for being so dumb and why would i ever come up with this plan. if i
didnt, i wouldnt be this dead tired and my panda eyes wouldnt be
that dead dark. Why would i ever?! Like what mamma said, think
positive. look at the bright side of every bad things. Okay. i will. I
MUST!

I chose 8 Ghosts as the main ghost today. and yeah, it works. the
make up's, the costumes. it really scare the bejeezus hell freak outta
their butts. It really did. Plus the sound system is really brilliant.
Darn Loud. All of the ghosts have their own role and they play it
well enough to keep the audience's heart keep jumping. i can hear
the girls and guys screamed as they see the ghosts crawling on the
floor including me myself. yeah. im also a Ghost of the day. Im the
Chinese Ghost. simply put on a Red Cheongsam and let that dark
brown wavy hair cover up my face. The video runs for 5 till 8 mins
and within that very minutes, we didnt stop scaring them that makes
me giggled while i scare them. Many screamed for help and some
even recite their prayers. Some cried and wailed so badly. And one,
FAINTED. cool, isnt it? yea yeah. i kno. :) the room is extremely
dark and its really really creepy with black garbage bags covering
the tables, windows, and all over the place. i shouted lots today that
my voice gone really deep. Eugene will call that sexy voice. HAHA.

I prepared Shawls for the lady teachers as a small gift to them as
they come out from the cinema and mini towels for the mens. :)
I was kinda boring with scaring people all the time that i went down
and distribute my Haunted Cinema flyers to the people. They cant
take their eyes off me and my cheongsam cause its like a striking
red in the middle of the crowd plus blood at the edge of my lips.
Many of them took their camera cell phones out and took my picha.
i think i did blush a little when they did that. HEEHEE. then, many
girls rush to me and ask me for a picture. yeah. i did stopped and
took pictures with them. they hugged me, hold my hands as the
pose. HAAHAAHA. funny. some even ask for my autographs.
ROFL! Mister T.J quickly took his camera out when he saw me
and urges me to a stop for a picture fer him to post it up to the
school's webbie and also school's e-Magazine. Ohmigod. many pair
of eyes are looking at me sir. thats what i said. and he was like,
"LEAVE IT. " and one two three, chiack! :P When the teachers saw
me, they keep telling me how brilliant my idea was, how great the
feedback was and much much more. One of the teacher gave me two
thumbs up for that great production. HEEHEE.

My Ex Moral ma'am came to me and said that i've completed a
great job. Since the project that i've directed seems to be so
welcoming and she cant wait for the next production of mine to
usher in. I was like, "Most probably, i'll retire next year." and she
keep on objecting saying that i should keep doing and blah blah blah~
Now that i've got bruises and blue black at both of my knees due to
that crawling. Sobx. but, nevermind, i can always cover it up with my
Kurung, and my pants. :) I bet this happens to the other ghosts too.
I really wish to apologize to them in case i've done any wrong but
mum said words are not enough and so that i decided to turn my
status My Lips Are Sealed, on. yeah. those words are out and no
matter what i say or do, it will never change those words. anyway,
i do hope for miracles to change the situation where classmates are
once again so friendly, and so close. :) Last word for the day,
"Accomplish everything by doing nothing." by Confucious.

You see blood stain?

One Two and Three.

2010-07-17T10:44:00.004+08:00

Time passes me by really really fast. in just another two more weeks,
i will be sitting for my USBF2. its a monthly test and yet i could be so
nervous about it. i got no idea of why. im still having tonnes of sleeping,
revision debts that i still havent clear it all off. GOD. how am i suppose
to sit for that test when im this NOT ready? Alright. forget it. Next
saturday, 24th July will be my school's (RPS) curiculum day. My class,
(Pre-U1AZ) will be doing Haunted Cinema. By me again. (fyi, im the
Producer again. suck aint it?) well, i did Haunted Maze last year and
this year, there's tonnes of classes who are racing to do Haunted Maze
and house. WOW. My class was the first class ever who did Haunted
Maze after so many years. (Legend. isnt it? HEEHEE) i kno that this
will happen as in people racing to book the rooms and classes and so
on. Lucky me that i booked the room that i want, quick enough. :D
Really hope that everything will go on smoothly as in no disturbance
no nothing just smooth going. *crossed fingers* To make it fair enuf,
everyone will have to make up. Yes, you're right. including me.

i took almost a week long to think of the way to make them up and
me, myself. so, mum gave me a very brilliant idea in which i will be
tha Chinese Ghost? i was like, "Mum, you're BRILLIANT." since
i've abandon my cheongsam for so many years, left it hanging
deadly in the wardrobe. im sorry, cheongsam. Now that mum came
up with that brilliant idea and i've made up my mind, wearing that
cheongsam on that day. HAHAHAHs. Dont worry readers. i'll be
taking hell lotsa pictures for you people to see. I kno its uber weird
to wear a red striking cheongsam on that day but my grey matter
is hollow with ideas already. :( one more thing, everyone is invited
to the curiculum day. it'll be like a Fun Fair so please do comeeee..
Bring your mother, your father, your cousins, your granny, your boy,
your girl, your sister, your brother, your friend, your gang and
everyone at home, aite??!! you dont have to pay for any entrance fee
but obviously you'll have to pay when you wanna enter those
haunted houses, mazes, cinemas or whatever. So please, do come.
24th July 2010, a saturday from 9.00AM till' 3.00PM. Gosh, its
11.30AM already. and tuition is at 02.00PM sharp. alright, i gotta go
and prepare myself so, FULLSTOP. XO, Y.

Imma Radar

2010-07-11T15:37:00.003+08:00

went SMI last night to watch their play tittled, "The Brave One."
Thanks Hui Ling for the ride. (my neighbourhood friend and also
my childhood friend.) Reach there at around 0750PM. meet lotsa
people that i kno. well basically, i dont really understand what the
entire drama is about cause, i wasnt paying attention with it-at all.
i was busy looking for someone and chatting with buddy, andrea.
after the break, (after the first hour ends, there's a half an hour
break.) we went back into the hall to continue the play. this time, i
get a chance to laugh so hard at the actors. The Main Actor of the
entire drama was, "Buno." He's kinda cute and mann! he can sing!
He sang "Man in the Mirror" by The Legend, Michael Jackson. I
was so impressed ya kno! Gosh. After the drama, went and hang
with my mates @ kopitiam and yeah, went home right after that.
Feels like watching Eclipse today but too bad. my mates are busy. :(
so, that is why i ended up staying at home. sobx. what a weekend.
I hates Sunday and Im loving Fridays. Reason 1 : Sundays. The day
after sunday is Monday. Am i right? so, Monday means Go back to
school=bored=nerdy=dead. Reason 2 : Fridays. I've got no tuitions
on a friday and i can sleep longer andandand, most of all, I dont
have to go back to school the next day. Right? Right? Right? sigh.
gotta go to school tomorrow and oh, its a Monday which means i
have to stand for an hour listening to those long long crappy speech.
Oh, god. how boring is that?

Pressed Publish Post. XO, Y.

Official P.

2010-07-02T22:22:00.003+08:00

Went thru the JPJ test today and i officially passed it all. :) thanks
above for giving me a good day, today. Did the hill test at the first
place, parking right after that and lastly road test. got in the car,
did all the checking stuff and start the engin of course. HEEHEE*
when i got in the car, i greeted him "Smekom 'cik." which stands for
"assalammualaikum, encik." and he replied "komsalam." and this
stands for "waalaikummusalam." then, i handed him the pile of
papers that the JPJ tester gave me. He took it and he was like,
"WHAT?!" i looked at him and he asked me whether am i a
chinese or what? then he search for my name in the paper that i
handed him. then he started telling me how much i looks like a mix
and so on. HAHAHAHA. fyi, imma pure chinese aite. then he start
to praise me for my fluency in Bahasa that i cant stop saying, No..
Nooooooo....Where got.... Dont have... Hello, NOOO!!! and *laughs*
the car's clutch is kinda high and so yeah its weird fer me and he
told me notto be scared cause he'll help me. i was like WHAT?

whatever it is. we chatted as if we were long lost friends and
laugh all the way back to the institute. HAAHAAHA. then he asked
me about my siblings, my parents, school and stuffs like that. one
more thing. he tease me lots that i cant stop laughing while driving
and that the motorcyclists looked at me a couple of times. :DDDD
well, i guess you can roughly imagine how friendly is he to me. He's
kinda young. i guess he's more likely at his 20's. then, he asked me
about boyfie's and question me lots about that. i dont really wanna
tell him much on that, that i keep on changing the topic. He said that
he seldom meet girls like me who's good at Bahasa. i was like of
course. i've been in a malay school ever since primary till now, mann.
Gosh. HAHAHAHAHS. then, when i arrive at the institute, he said
that he wanna make friends with me and even asked me for my cell
phone's number. i was like, HAHAHHAH. No way. he's kinda upset
when i said that. but he told me that he'll look after it. Get what he
means? Go ahead. you'll never get it. :D he said that its fun talking,
and joking with me cause im very friendly and nice. In my head, i
keep babbling saying that He had never see me in a bad mood. i guess
he'll take back that friendly word when he meets me in a uber bad
mood. :D

went back to the institute, he walked me to the register counter and
yeah. get all those copping stuff, signing stuff, all done. and it was
then i got to kno that i officially passed my driving and will be getting
my P license next wednesday. How awesome is that? EEEEEEEEEE.
BlekK. XO, Y.

Rain

2010-06-25T13:03:00.003+08:00

Thank God and Sky for raining today. it really really soothe my
feelings. was so down that i feel like staying underground. got no
proper idea of what best to do and so i just simply turn my iTunes
on and check fer new hits. found quite a number that i've downloaded
ages ago but forgotten that i did. i cant stop listening to these 3 songs
which is First dance by Justin Bieber, Gypsy by Shakira, and Never
say Never by Justin Bieber featuring Jaden Smith. that Kiddy's just
so cute. Aww... (i kno you'll prefer Timbaland better right cause he's
way cooler than J.B right? :P) Had a terrible headache today and real
bad bad bad Gastric pain yesterday. God. its really bad ya kno. :(
Guess what, good news to my haters. I officially FAILED my JPJ
driving test. whathefuck right? yea yeah. kno that. got long lectures
from both of my parents. like can they give me seconds of silence for
God's sake?

I kno its like an impossible thing cause i've been driving even
without an official and legal 'L'. sigh. Blame my grey matter for not
functioning so well today that failed me. whatever. (yes, i skipped
school just for that fucking JPJ test and failed. Brilliant.) when i got to
kno i failed, i was like "Ah, Hell. Imma DeadMeat this time." i, myself
dont even kno the precise reason of failing? letme tell ya the story and
you, Readers judge. Aite? then you tell me who's fault isit so that tears
dont have to flow so much. We, the candidates must do our hill test
first. I was the third one to do so and i just simply get in the car, get it
started and drove to the hill section. went there, get myself ready ,
mutter prayers beneath my breath and go. i parked the car exactly on
the Yellow line. (if you took your test you'll kno what i mean by the
yellow line and so on. dont ask me what is it. i dont wish to tell. i failed
alright!) yes, its exact. which means no tyres hanging outside tha line.

The tester gave me thumbs up for that and i think he got to take it
back. When i was about to move tha car down hill, the car start to give
out a cacophony of shrieking sound. which is unsual for a car. its uber
weird that makes me even more freaked. (yes, im already freaked at
the beginning of the test.) i bite my lips and tried my very best to
move it down. instead, the car shook back and forth. when the tester
saw that, he took back that thumbs up that he gave earlier and gave
me that "OH, GIRLIE YOU FAILED." look. i was like whathefuck!
fine. i kept my blardy mouth shut to prevent words pouring out. i did.
went to the tester to sign that shit form and get things done. then, he
told me to drive back to the place where i started off and i did as i was
told. when i reach the starting point, my instructor quickly come to
me and snatch that piece of paper the tester gave me. He was very
suprised to see a big, bold hand writing written FAILED there. he
started to question me as in what i've done and so on.

i told him what i've done there and he just shook his head and told me
to go to the office to book time for the next test. when i was waiting
for my turn to book the time and day, i saw a girl who's gonna use the
car after me. yes, she's using the car that i drove earlier. Again, the
car gave the same cacophony of shrieking sound and this time, its
even louder. she tried driving but at the end, the car broke down.
the testers tried helping her to start the engin but still it doesnt work
out. Pity her. it was her turn to do her Road test that time. Sigh. i
pulled my gaze from her and concentrate it on the calendar. the lady
there at the office told me to come again next friday. which means im
gonna skip school again next Friday? I was flummoxed when i saw the
word FAILED written on the result slip. Sigh. its really bad as in the
car. :( Oh whatever. its laid out already that i've failed and gotta have
to do it again next Friday. How dumb am i for failing such easy thingS?

of beautiful ribbons and laces;

2010-06-12T19:24:00.004+08:00

Feel so funny that a hardcore's page could turn out to be oh-so-girly
right? HAHAHAS. try taking a look @ my cravings and figure it out
yourself. :) called catherine andrea ashiran gerard last night and
she's enjoying her time in Penang. she told me that she bought me
some henna and hair accessories. "thanks, mrs. Ashiran." went fer
P.A (general knowledge) today @ AAA. the class was great i mean
the way the sir taught. he's an indian man, and also an ACS teacher.
Jo is taking P.A classes with him too but different day and time.
According to Jo, the sir said that whoever who cant score P.A is a
DOG. i was like whathefuck? A dog? ohmygod. before i went, i've
already told myself that the sir is of goodies. and the result turn
out to be so great that i understand whatever that he's trying to say
on the spot. (much more better than i do in class back in school.)

im kinda nervous when i was about to get my butt in the class for
imma newbie there (to that P.A class not to the tuition centre. i've
been there since last year.). when i went in the class, i can feel that
many pair of eyes falls on me that makes me cheeks feels kinda
hot. HAHAH! the thing that i hate the most is that, the people there
stares at you until you settle your arse on the chair. i was like
keep on babbling in me like, "oh yeah, im that new kid who's gonna
sit alone later like wtf and blah blah blah~ " im sorry to say but, ya
kno im not those kindof person who can keep whatever shit in her.
so, no offense aye. :\ im actually kinda suprised that the whole
class is actually a bunch of nerd herds. (not all actually.) mostly all
of 'em are from ACS, a few from sam tet, some from SMI and me
alone from RPS. okay, whatever it is. here comes a guy, with his
backpack and specs walks in the class.

he wore a dark blue jeans, with sporty shoes and ... well tbh, this
scares me the most. i kinda recognise his face. and yeah, he's the
guy from my Biology tuition. (i dont even kno him is just that i
saw his face there.) the thing that freaks me the most is that, he
actually tuck-in his tee. yes, im not kidding. its the first time ever
me seeing a guy of my age tucking in his tee. i was like, are you a
fallen era guy or what? yeah, eventho i loves victorian fashion so
very much but i dont act like one of them. oh, whatever. i giggled
the moment he walked thru the class's door and gave me a stare.
in me, im already half shouting. i quickly pull my gaze away from
him to prevent something happen. well, i dont wish that he'll go
around telling people that i look at him and they'll start guessing
like i like him or what-so-ever-shit. then, he started talking to
his friends and so on. i was sitting 4 rows behind him and of
course, i can look at him clearly. (well, i dont like that. i mean
lookin @ him. urgh.)

one thing that i've just realized is that his abs. he have got delicious
abs im telling you. yeah, kinda like taylor lautner's. Delicious
right? Like whathehell, how can a geeky have such abs? cant
believe right? same here. i guess he often work out that results
it. HAHAHAS. came home right after the class and it was raining.
i stole a couple of minute to enjoy my coffee while watching the
rain falling, smelling the scent of rain. i dont kno why i like watchin
the rain ever since the age of 5. A hardcore like me can have such
hobby huh? urmm,.. i dont think its called as a hobby right, dear
Readers? whatever. toldja that my vocab sucks like holy 'ol shit.
Do forgive me. :) i dont kno why i feel like listening to Jay Chou's
the entire day. it kinda relaxes me. crazy right? :\ alright, i gotta
finish up my last book of homework and shop tomorrow fer
father's day and mum's upcoming birthday @ Parkson. :D Bye,
Peeps. *winks* XO, Y.

Im Okay.

2010-06-11T10:20:00.005+08:00

Hey-lo, people. i kno you guys are worried about me, thanks. but, im
doing good, im fine, Im alright. its just that, i dont really wish to reply
text messages right now. so, im really sorry if i didnt. You guys care
a lot about me and i kno that. sending me texts asking me how am i
doin', as in how am i? and sort. well, i've made up my mind and i've
decided, not to transfer. its actually mum's decision and i cant say a
thing at all. i've tried talking to her but it seems like whenever i start
to talk, she'll always push on the mute button that makes me mute
for that second. sigh. its hard fer me to get along with nerd herds but
what to do. i have to be doing that.. i've got no choice. sigh. mum said
that i'll have to bring my own food to school so that i wont be eating
school food. (in which makes me looks like an exact primary school
girl. ): )

she also said that since my school teachers are (mostly) of no good,
i'll have to go fer tuition classes like everyday. oh-my-dear-sweet-
LORD, thats gonna be effin tiring and my ass will hurts too. what
to do. im mama's girl and of course, i got to obey all that so called ..
"rules" made by the "ruler", mum. i keep being positive like, telling
myself its just a year plus, time flies, everything's gotta be just fine,
and yeah, i kinda believe that babble in me. (since when im sucha
positive geek?) oh, whatever lets skip this topic. catherine andrea
ashiran gerard a.k.a meow meow, got to transfer. and the school that
she got was SMK SERI PUTRA? whathehell right? yeah, i said the
same thing too, like WHATHEHELLLLL??

she was crying at me saying that she doesnt wants to get in there
and so on. Just 2 days ago, she and her dad went up to the PPD,
to cancel off the request. and luckily, the human beings in there
approve it and just take off that request just like that. and her dad
made up the decision fer her, that she'll be staying back in RPS with
me. :) her dad said that since im in RPS why not she be in RPS too.
HAHAHAH! seems like good friends never part right?since im not
transferring, i got to buy all those craps like files, ring files and sort
this sunday. i hope i can make it without fail and i hope Bawang can
come along with me so that i can like fill her in more with that nerd-
herd school. AHAHAHAHS. i guess she cant wait to hear more stories
about that plus, she cant stand to stay any longer at home. Am i
right, Bawangg?? :D cheers, XO, Y.

Flailing, falling, failing.

2010-06-08T12:21:00.005+08:00

im going to let out my emotions and all those vulgar words in this post
here. Im warning you already. if there's any brain or eyes injury will
not be entertained. alright? i've actually warned you the moment you
enter this Blog by the Blog content. so, please dont complain saying
that i've said too much vulgar words in this blog post.

Today is going to the most fucking disastrous day ever in my entire
18 life! woke up in the morning, got hell lots of nagging from mum
saying this and that, ate my breakfast and wondering when will i be
getting that Blardy Transfer letter from the JPN (Jabatan Pelajaran
Negara.) saying that i've got my transfer and gotta get my ass in
the school that i've applied for next following monday. suddenly i
heard a motorcycle stopped in front of my house and thats the
postmen. he handed me a bunch of letter and left. so then, i flip thru
the envelopes and find one envelope printed my mum's name boldly
on it. I seize it open and a white A4 sized paper with Black Block
letters printed on it. i can feel that electric jolt run thru my spine
and i started reading the letter. its the letter from JPN saying that
my request is not approved. the block letters saying, TIDAK
DILULUSKAN (which means, not approved) makes me feel that
fucking burning pain in my chest, and i didnt even realize that i was
actually crying when i see tear drops on the letter and i started
crying my lungs out, hyperventilating and i feel that the vision got
darker and darker. when i open my eyes, im lying on the floor. i
started making emergency calls to my close mates telling them how
pain my chest actually hurts me and how much i hated that fuckin
school that im currently stucked in. I never thought that i wouldnt
be getting to transfer. i seriously never thought of that fucking word.
and right now, im cursing JPN like fucking fagget assholes! i really
feel like biting someone's head off from his/her body! ARGHHH!!!
HELP needed! why in the hell you JPN human beings wanna care
about all this? i mean its my blardy choice to fucking choose whatever
school that i want, isnt it? Asshole! mama's another one who cant
stop babbling about all this pain-in-the-ass-licious drama that makes
me shout at her like a mad girl. i cant take those words as in, she
cant stop saying that i wont be able to transfer, im sucha a failure
and so on. Yes, its fucking proven now that im such a JERK. yes!
its now like a shitty fact laid in front of me. i told mum that i wanta
appeal and appeal and appeal until i get the APPROVED word is
printed on the letter. all i got is more naggings, more scoldings, and
more everything. this is not all that i wanted! I really fucking hate
the school that im stucked in, RPS. the teachers there are of no good.
(not all.) giving us hell lots of paper writing job that doesnt even
benefit us at all. come in the class, and babble like a tape recorder
with that stucked up face! there's good teacher in the school but not
all. and i can say that 88% of the teachers there sucks. they cant
even pronounce the word, "Blood." oh, god! i think im going to fail
my MUET if its taught by that teacher. sigh. only 12% of the
teachers there are great. but its if no point cause those teachers are
meant for first class and Upper 6. so, conclusion is Lower6 is equal
to dead. Canteen is the worst. with the same old shitty menu
through out the year. no fresh food, not hygienic. there's a couple of
time when i can see mouse running here and there and bugs in the
food. sometimes if that person is 'lucky' enough, there will be no bug
but either a dead cockroach or ciggarattes. Yucks! Guess what did
they use to make juice? pipe water. yes. pipe water from the pipe
that we'll all use to wash our hands. there's a kid in the canteen
whom i assume her as one of the daughter of the ladies there. that
kid will run and play in the canteen and even uses her dirty hands to
take those 'kuih' in the canteen. at first i thought she's going to
swallow it but, what suprises me the most is that, she place that
'kuih' back and rearrange all the 'kuihs'. yes, with her dirty hands.
i witness that with my own eyes. how can i ever eat food in the
canteen if its like this? plus, there's no enough food and sometimes
we must even starve until the school dismiss. (thats also one of the
reason why im having gastric.) the entire school might look nice
and clean in the shell but not in the core. plus, i cant stand those
geeks in my class who is still stucked in her second childhood.
oh my god. How am i suppose to deal with human beings like that?
how am i suppose to ever survive in a school full with nerd herds?
maybe i can unless i transform myself into a geek. NO! NO! NO!
i cant stand in this blardy fucking school anymore! once and fer all,
I EFFIN HATE RPS and really wish to leave and not to stay. so,

GOODBYE ALL AND YOU!

its riping me inside out.

2010-06-05T22:30:00.002+08:00

today's a lazy saturday. i dont feel like doing anything at all. not even
a single thing. Due to hard week im having back in school days. sigh.
i woke up uber late and have a uber late branch. after having branch,
i just settle myself down and read my novel. i feel so tired all over
my body today. i really dont get it why. sigh. i really hope that the
JPN (yes, im talking about my transfer once again. hope ya'll wont
mind.) will approve my request and let me be in ACS. god. i can bet
that my life will presto-change in ACS. there's couple of time that i
almost hyperventilate today. i still dont get it why. sighh. according
to mum, i looks uber terrible as if i've not been sleeping for decades.
HAHAHA! if you see me now, you can see that there's veins of
redness that ran thru my eyes. one more thing. my heart aches me
like heck today in which it made my eyes sore and feel so teary.
i controlled the tears so that i wont fall. i blinked real fast to avoid
those tears from rolling down my cheeks. :( (Please, dont ask me
why. i really had, had hard times.) oh Dear readers, if you find my
bloggie here is kinda like emo or maybe sad most of the time,
please do quit reading it. or else, you're gonna be like me. i dont
wish that to happen. Tomorrow, i gotta go for Chemistry tuition in
that gloomy and creepy tuition like what i've mentioned in the
previous previous post. and my heart will be beating in terror
against my chest. sighh. i really wish to meet a gentlemen so that
my heart dont really have to beat like as if it'll jump out from my
chest. i cant afford to Blog any longer already. my entire body
kinda like failing me. so, i guess its time fer me to sleep a little bit
of forever and i really wish that i will be having a peaceful night
and thought-free sleep. Good Night, my Dear Readers.

Let the hols be the balm to the wound that the hard week has rest in my soul.

Nobody can change me, yeah.

2010-06-03T16:52:00.005+08:00

Downloaded tonnes of songs due to fucking bad mood. sigh. when im
moody, i'll search for songs hoping that it'll ease whatever that is in
me. school as usual. nothing special happened. Basically,everythin's
bored. I cant stop yawning during Biology class today. (eventho im
sitting in front of the teacher, im still yawning.) its really bored ya
kno. Maybe her words only hypnotize me and no other? no idea. :\
the teachers in my school really piss the hell off me especially that
dicipline teacher. she cant stop babbling about those school rules and
the only matter that matters above all is that, she's forcing all of us
to buy that whatever planner diary book with RPS's school's logo in
front. *roll eyes* it costs 10bucks and she forces everyone to buy it
like shit-fuck. im almost half cursing when she said that line, "how
sure are you girls that you're going to transfer?"like Holy Crap. of
course we are going to as in like, if we girls didnt get it, we'll apply
thousand, million, billion, trillion, gazallion-th times until we get it.
i really feel like giving back her words but luckily i could control it
from pouring out. if those words are out, i guess i will be sent to the
Principal's room. HAHAH! today, Racheal, asked me the most
silliest question ever. (i consider it as a silly quest.) she said that,
im a nice girlie but why am i speaking so many vulgar words? i was
like,"what??!" HAHAHAHS! you make me laugh the butt off me,
silly Rae. i cant say that im born like that cause, nobody's borned
rough or maybe harsh right? (i hope im right.) its the surrounding
and those stuffs that we got into, influenced us. Right? well, fyi, im
not those type of girl who will pretend to be oh-so-lovely and tryin
to control every single words and even the tone that they're using.
c'mon baby. life isnt suppose to pretend. we're living life and we
should make it colourful (thats my point of view,no offense) instead
of leaving it as dull as it is and pretending. Dont ya girls feel that
pretending is kinda..urm...SUFFOCATING? *roll eyes* Let your
emotions all out when you're angry. Laugh out loud when you're
happy and cry out all those hurting tears and i can bet your life will
feel so much freer. HAHA! one thing i love about silly Rae is that,
she'll make me laugh and laugh whenever she start laughing. :D
Love you tonnes, my silly Rae a.k.a country girl. all right, its time
to finish up all those paper writing job. XO, Y.

If you dont like me for who i am, Then you dont like me for who i am, and all
you're gonna get is, WHO I AM. Never compare me to anyone else. Ever. I am ME!

moment that makes me chills.

2010-06-01T18:55:00.003+08:00

went fer new Biology Tuition today. My cousin sister had been there
before this and she said that the classes are great. so, today's the
first day fer me to be there. mum picked me up from school and
went for lunch. school ends at 1.30on tuesdays and the class starts
at 2.45, so its kinda rush fer me. but, what to do. went there, climb
the stairs and saw a gentlemen around my age waiting fer me in the
lift. (he actually saw me getting out of the car and climb those stairs
to reach out for the lift.) i then, quicken up my steps and went in the
lift. (me alone with a gentlemen.) as soon as the lift starts to move
up,he turned to me and smiled. of course, i did smiled back. then, we
reached the tuition centre. its kinda creepy cause, there's noone in
the class and i cant even find the office there. i search all around that
level but all that i can find is just empty classes. i bet he can see that
blur expression of mine that he offered me a help. i told him the
troubles and he lead the way. its weird that there's a big signboard
saying, "Sri Kota Tuition Centre" in front of the classrooms but the
office fer new students to register is upstairs. My heart is racing in
me and i swear that im really scared that moment. but, it all ends
when he smiled at me with his hand showing me the way. (his body
language tells me that he holds on to the gentlemen princip which
is, Ladies first. :D) i walked to the direction that he's showing and
get myself registered. HAHA! 40bucks per subject and 10bucks for
registration fee. im so glad that im meeting a gentlemen on the first
day itself. after helping me registering, he went down. i even missed
my chance to say thanks to him. perhaps next week will do. went in
the class and i saw my classmate's stuffs spread all over the table
but they're not there. went up to the table to check whether those
stuffs are theirs and yes. im right. simply settle myself down and
search for the guy who helped me. unfortunately, he's not there. his
m.i.a really intrigues me lots. i sat there for a short while looking at
people coming in the class and gives me that, "oh, new girl look."
just when the class starts, (with my friends all around me) that
gentlemen walk in the class and even wink at me that makes me
half giggled. i just got to kno that he's from SMI. (st. michael's
instituition.) and, the class goes on. i expect that i'll be blur on the
first day but i dont. i actually enjoyed it. :) Good news, huh? yeah.
time flies that i dont even realize that the class ended till my i see
everybody around me packing their belongings. the gentlemen
pass me by again. he took a look at me (again), smiled and nodded
his head. i reacted the same and followed my 3 other friends, and
yeah, go home. :) i dont see many gentlemens around nowadays.
even my own friend (male) will shout and snatch things away from
me. i think i'll be calling him dinasour from now on (i mean the
gentlemen.) for these kindof 'species' had already extinct right?
HAHAHA!

Im not a mistake, im not a fake, its set in my DNA.

sick with the teachers.

2010-05-31T11:20:00.004+08:00

yeah. fall sick today. kinda feverish and so i skipped school. maybe
due to that effin hawt weather in Malaysia or maybe due to hectic
week that i've gone thru or maybe ... (whatever). i think most prolly
i got it from mum. she's not feeling so well lately. :( since i skipped
school, i still gotta study at home. you see, form6 isnt as easy peasy
as you thought. (thats what i thought too at first) its tough mann. I
still remember clearly the other day when i hang out with Jo, he
showed me that Maths S&T book. i didnt kno what S&T represents
so i asked him (assuming he'll kno's it). buttt, the answer that i get
from him is "S&T is Susah & Tough." (fyi, Susah=Tough ,For those
who doesnt understand Malay language.) that makes me laugh and
laugh. whenever im doing Maths, it will reminds me of that line and
smile can be seen. HAAHA! I've just realised that in Biology, there's
Chemistry. and in Chemistry, there's Physics. oh, god! its so very
saddenning when i see Physics appears. ( i dont like physics at all.)
i hated Physics since the day i first learn it. i dont kno why. maybe
its the teacher's factor. ahahahhas. yea yeah, i dont like my
Secondary 4 and 5 Physics teacher. An indian lady. She's arrogant
as in so not friendly and gets mad at us almost all the time for no
proper reason. PMS-ing i guess. HEEHEE. She'll yell at us and make
us stand and even called us Blardy donkeys. LMAO. kinda miss that
moment when the entire class stands and make faces when she her
back face us. (naughty us, isnt it?) one more thing, my form6
maths tuition teacher. For the first time, my maths tuition sir is a
chinese man. since form1, indians taught me. i admit that he's
teaching is like a blast eventho he had got bad pronounciation. i
remember last week, when we're on the topic, factorization, and he
pronounced it as Fertilization that makes the class giggles and he still
dont realizes it. Poor Sir. i seriously giggled like heck. i dont really
wants to giggle so much for im sitting alone. yes, alone in that class.
i think im the one and only Malay school student there. :D so if i
continue giggling that much, people will think that i must have gone
nuts. right? Guess what, i was so suprised when my class girls
complain saying that they dont understand a single thing that the
chemistry sir in my school is trying to say. they said that, if they
havent gone fer tuition classes, they must be all blurred up (just like
me) and sitting there more like a dork. the craziest thing is that, he
gave us hell lots of homework that drives us all mad. c'mon sir, i dont
really wants my hair to stand up like Albert Einstein. (did i spell his
name correctly?) one more thing, the questions are uber tough. even
the smartest girl in the class cant be able to solve it. i thought they
all understands it when they din even look away from the quest and
keep doing it. i only knew they cant when i reach to them. that is also
one of the reason why i insisted to transfer. the dicipline teacher in
my school said that the girls insisted to transfer is because they dont
wanna be an overage mum. (bullshit.) how can that word is out from
a teacher's mouth? i cant believe it. i really cant. after listening to
that word, i guess the number of students transferring OUT will be
even more eventho its already more. Biology class in my school is
like a hypnotizing class. Lab doors and drapes are all closed leaving
the class dark and creepy with tha LCD on and tha hypnotizing class
begins. Biology is taught by and indian teacher in my school. her
voice is so soft that plays like a lullaby in my ears. whenever she
explains something, all i can hear is "rock a by baby on a tree
top ... " it was so sleepy that there's a couple of times i almost dozed
off and waken up by Sharon. sighh. so, do you think i still wanna
stay in the school? *shakes head.* Maths class is like a bee humming
class. its being taught by a Malay lady. he voice is so soft too. when
she starts speaking, all that i can hear is just bees, lots and lots of
bees humming beside my ears. oh, Lord. :( all the teachers in the
school will gives us lots and lots of homework that requires lots of
writing. sighhh.. saddenning right? the teacher that i love the most
is my MUET teacher. (MUET stands for Malaysia Univercity English
Test.) both tuition and school. Both of them carries their British
accent with them as the speaks. thats what i love to hear the most!!

(*well, i dont mean and dont wish to kinda backstab my school and
tuition teacher like this. But, i really cant stand them anymore.
especially school teacher. im just trying to voice out so, its of no
offense. Sorry, teachers.*)

*there's sweetness behind bitter. signing off. XO, Y.

Pre-U, week number 3

2010-05-24T18:14:00.004+08:00

Third week ushers in already and im still waiting to be transfered. im
still wondering when will my request be approved. i hope that i dont
have to wait for so long. i really hope that this week will be my last
week in RPS. please Lord. please show me miracles. sigh. *crossed-
fingers* yesterday was my aunts wedding day. i was the bride's maid
and its of no good job. got to fan the bride and leaving me sweating
like heaven including the bride eventho im fanning her. even the bride
groom's maid is sweating like heaven. ahahahhahs. he looks familiar
to me but i cant think of who is he. okay, whatever it is. thank God,
that i performed all the 9 songs perfectly. i was so suprised when i've
got great response from the audience. HAHAHA! luckily, i didnt lost
my voice. :D today in school, i've got the 7 forms typed by the clerk
to be taken home and get out parent's signature. Finally oh, finally.
if i really got transfered, im gonna thank Bawang like heck. i will.
went for MUET tutition today. i was so moody+blur that i answered
the wrong question. "The bus go _____ the road." and i answered,
"The bus go ON the road." and the teacher was like half yelling at
me saying "WHAT?!" "GIRL! of course the bus is on the road. it
suppose to be the bus go off the road!" oh my god. it was so effin
embarrassing. whatever. sigh. it was my fault. yeah, my fault for
not paying attention in class. i cant help it when my mind goes out
off the league. i really cant help it. but anyway, i will try my best to
be more positive and of course pay much more attention in class.
alright, those are the pictures that i took last night after aunts
wedding dinner. more picture will be uploaded as soon as aunt's
photographer uploaded it in Fb. okay Dear readers, i gotta go and
finish up my undone homework. signing off.

my idol,-Avril Lavigne.

my temporarily tattoo. :D

Confession.

2010-05-21T12:30:00.000+08:00

today's friday. i kno that this sounds lame. but it is a friday right?
(whatever.) the first hard week is over. im kinda happy about that.
its like, i gotta rush to tuition. get real quick lunch and showers and
sort. i've got tuition on monday, tuesday, thursday, saturday, and
sunday itself. sunday supposed to be a family day for me but too bad.
i got to go for tuition classes and skip all the shoppings. nevermind.
i believe that its worth it since i've ruined my SPM so i dont wish to be
a biggie mouth again and ruin my STPM as well. okay, i wanna say a
great Big Thanks,to Bawang for helping me "something." im
really glad that she's willing to help. God, i was so darn happy when
the word "Yes." is out from her lips. i cant stop jumping and thanking
god for sending me a great friend and so on. but still, i got to cross
my fingers since the whole darn approval process is done by the JPN.
sigh. *cross- fingers* nothing much happened in school. its just studying
heads, scanning words on the books, disscussing and so on. its really
weird when this is the first year, im surrounded by so many chinese
like what i've mentioned in my previous post.(im one of those chinese
butts too.) years before this, the girls in my class used to be malays
and indians and they even had got a nick name for me since i was the
only chinese in the class. "Amoy." almost everyone in the class
address me using that nick name given to me by i dont even kno
who. but this time, as in-this year, everyone in the class calls my
chinese name. its uber uber weird cause only my family members
calls me using that name. at first, im kinda uneasy and sometimes i
dont even realise that they are actually calling me. but after days
passed by, the name is once again familiar to me. :) good, huh? yours
truly is now all mingled up with chinese for the first time. tomorrow
is like a big day. its aunt's wedding buffet dinner. wth right? yeah,
time passes by real real fast. parents were talking about it early this
month and now, tomorrow is the day. sighh. i hope, there's no mistake
while singing tomorrow. sigh again. i wonder whats wrong with the
teachers in the school. they are giving us so bunch lots of homework
as if the weekends has 48 hours. damn. i will have to bring my
homework over to aunts place tomorrow i guess. so nerdy. i dont wish
to do so. i wish to sing, laugh, Drink, and enjoy myself kau2 before the
next hard week begins but, its now all destroyed because of those
fuckin homework. im not sayinthat homeworks are of no good. but,
the teachers should have gave us at least some time to breathe and
revise? sigh. whatodo. the school teachers mistake that our heads
functions like computers. i wonder do their's function like a computer
too or something else?? i'd better dont wonder so far. ahahahhahahs.
bad bad bad, me.

my first kiss went a little like this, smooch and twist.

My Pra-U life begins.

2010-05-19T15:33:00.003+08:00

i couldnt make my way to transfer. yeah. im sick of my former
school and asked for transfer. mum and dad refuse to do something
about it and so i hacked my brain for something. when i came up
with an idea by using granny's address, news flew to my ears saying
that the JPN will be giving the nearest school according to the address
stated.And the existance of SMK Seri Kledang makes the tears of
mine flow and think of the other way. i asked my parents to help
me out but sadly, their mind had been corrupted by some hateful
-tongues. and so the conclusion is, me-staying-back-in-an-oh-so-
grossy-full-with-nerd-herds-school!! its like NO WAY MAN! i
really couldnt stay any longer. i've enough with it for the past FIVE
years! c'mon, the past let it be past! sigh. im now currently stucked
in a class of 28 student where half of them are still on their way
processing the transfer form. its kinda awkward for me to be among
chinese butts eventho i am one. but, thankfully they make me feel
like im apart of the class by not ignoring me and stuffs like that. :)
im glad. as in-really glad. if they manage to transfer, which means
the class will be left with the total number of 15 or maybe 14. sigh.
even my deskmate ask for transfer too. :((( oh-so-sad. everything
was like a dooms day for me when i first got to kno that i couldnt
make it to transfer and i also thought that , That will be the end for
me. But, i was oh-so-wrong. its not the end for me yet. it was just
about to start. its just the beginning. I hope the beginning will be the
toughtest one for me but not the ending. signing off. gotta prepare
myself for chemistry tuition later. Love ya guys for reading. :) XO, Y.

its not towards the end, its the beginning of everything.

FORM-SIX.

2010-05-17T18:49:00.002+08:00

alrighttttt.. Hello. :) im back, blogging. after a hard week in the school
is really disastrous. well, first week is the orientation week which
makes my butt even flatter. ( I gotta stuck in RPS before all the-
transfering process is being done.) so, yeah. its my formal school so i
kno's everything as in "every-single-thing." cant imagine im wearing
my school uniform, school shoes, carrying my school bag and i kno
someone will really giggle when she sees this line here. Am i right,
bawang? my schedules are uber tight. i've got tuition everyday and
including weekends. God. i hope i will have the strength to wake up
and goes to school. okie. gotta go. signing off.

there's lightning follows thunder in me.

2010-05-07T19:42:00.004+08:00

sometimes..

i wish that im "blind", so that i dont have to see so much dramas.

sometimes..

i wish that im "deaf", so that i dont have to hear so much words.

sometimes..

i wish that im "dumb", so that i dont have to say.

sometimes..

i wish that im invisible, so that people dont have to see me.

sometimes..

i wish that i'm emotionless, so that i dont have to feel the pain.

sometimes..

i wish that i've got no tears, so that i dont have to shed any.

sometimes..

i wish that i dont even exists, so that i dont have to hurt them.

sometimes..

i wish that i wont wake up, so that i dont have to feel hurt anymore.

i really wish everyday will end with an unexpectable ending. let it

be the last "nightmare". im pleading. i dont want any continuous

"nightmare" anymore. i'd rather dont want anything that i've once

craved but i really want a life with no sorrow, pain, and hurt. i've

tried in many ways to cheer myself but ended up crying like an

emo kid. Home doesnt feels and once more doesnt give me that

homie feeling that i once have. i really wish that everything will be

soon over. let the tears to be the last drop of tears. let the anger

be the last anger to be realeased. let the burning pain in the chest

be the last pain to be felt. let the sorrow be the last sorrow to feel.

let that horrible scene be the last scene to be seen by eyes.

*I strongly plead that noone will drop any comment regarding this post.

Killing year.

2010-05-06T11:25:00.003+08:00

sorry for the temporarily dead bloggie. my house is renovating and
yeah, i gotta clean it up and that is why i cant manage to steal time
to blog. alright, i'll start off with last sunday. 2nd of March, sunday.
went outting with Bawang, Joshua Voo, Catherine andrea, and
caroline. we promised to turn up by 11.30am in Jayjay but due to
some problems, catherine andrea and caroline turned up half an
hour late. Due to that sucky connection between she and her sis's
sunday school teacher. (whatever) so, me and Joshua went up to
tha cinema to see whether is there any yummy-licious movie. but,
unfortunately, there's none left The Losers. we have got no choice
but to watch that. then, when bawang turn up a couple of minute
after us, we all went to Popular and it did amaze me when i see tha
new look of Popular. Bigger and better. In the same time, it looked
like MPH to me. ahahahhs. suprisingly, there's only two brand left
for the reference book for Form 6. (yeah, dont be suprise. i-am-
doing-form-six.) those books really freaked me that i cant stop
staring at the number of pages. :S when we move on to the teens
novel section, catherine andrea along with her sis and her sis's
friends arrived. (darn late. okay, darn late!) Joshua's hungry i guess
that we went to the Food & Tea for lunch. its Lunch for him but
Yum Cha time for me. :) shared Mother Nature with Bawang and
im complaining for getting a bad apple. (fyi, there's apple cling to
the glass.) catherine went to the main entrance to wait for her
boyfie and they came to us after that. sat there like a dork looking
at that pair of couples in front of me that makes me giggles and
chuckles most of the time. well, its 1+. so we make our way to the
cinema to buy tickets and to MPH right after that. MPH is still
the same but it seems to looks kinda dead to me. :P okay, okay.
time's up. its 2.10 and we headed to the cinema. well, the movie is
nice that makes me laughed like heck. out of no where, i feel like
puking and yeah, i did. urgh. i didnt kno why. sigh. after tha movie
we stroll around JayJay, talking, laughing, giggling. (Josh went back
earl'. so left me and bawang.) Bawang bought Donuts for her siblings
and so, we went home. The End of the day. (sorry, no pictures. Due
to crappy camera.) Monday comes right after sunday's over. its the
day when i officially went for MUET tuition classes. (Malaysia
University English Test.) got myself registered and answered a couple
of questions that the teacher asked. i really enjoy her class and the
way she teaches reminds me a lot of my ex-english teacher back in
my younger days. :( i miss her. yes, a lot! sigh. after the class, mum
took me back to my Ex tuition centre to ask for that Lower Six time
table. God, im taking five subjects and that means i have to go for
tuition classes every week days. i've no Plan B and so i have to do it.
sigh. right to tuition after school and yeah, its gonna be tiring. i kno
that. but, what to do. mum was like,

You better study really really hard for your STPM if not, im really gonna screw you up.
yea yeah, i will and so going to be doing that.
okay, that sounds better.
Promise.

see that? my mum is so going to kill me if i dont do well and get good
grades. so, i might not be blogging so often and yeah, its going to be
temporarily dead again. but, no worries guys. i'll try stealing my time
and will make sure there's updates every weekend. Promise. XO. Y.

Believing it is the first step. Acting it is the second.

shut up, scusa(s)

2010-04-28T12:18:00.003+08:00

c'mon people! How many times must i say that im SINGLE and i've
got no BOYFIE and no CRUSH!!!! i've got no big time for stuffs like
this yet. alright? dont make me tighten up your lose screws in your
stucked up heads!! you, scusa! (Italian, Dork.) Can you just boarden
your Dorkies Horizons? yeah, i might be very close to guys until i
calls them honey or maybe baby. that doesnt mean i love them like
i love my boyfie. (to those who i've called baby or honey out there,
dont ever get insulted. please.) they might even reply me with dear,
babygirl, or maybe even blow me kisses. thats of no special meaning
at all. and you people who had got very little spaces in your head
space will think it in the other way round because there's tonnes of
baby, dear, honey text in my cell phone. stop saying that im like a
slut who flirts around with lots and lotsa guys out there. Just stop
that crap or else im gonna hunt each and every arses of yours. im not
kidding at all. im for real this time. never let me hear that word again
or i'll do something that you'll regret like crap. i swear i will if you dont
back off. im just close to those guys who kno's me for ages and thats
all. our relationship status is still right there. Friend. it doesnt change
at all even after tonnes o' those baby, honey texts. i hope this is the
last time for me to hear stuffs like that. sigh.

i cant think of a tittle fer this. :D

2010-04-27T14:20:00.005+08:00

Im fucking, fucking, fucking, happy to the max babeh!
*laughs* i got a text from Joshua saying that there's a website
where you can check your qualification in form6 and yeah, i
went to that webbie and simply key-in my I.C number and i
got this,

TAHNIAH

Anda ditawarkan untuk mengikuti pengajian

ke Tingkatan 6 Bawah

and the details goes blah, blah, blah.. when i saw that word i was

like,

Ma, am i dreaming or what?

*taking her specs and say..* OMG, girl!

yes i kno. eh, pinch me.

*pinching my lap*

arrrhhhh!! pain lar.

okay. confirmed. you're not dreaming.

OMG!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHHAH.

yeah, thats my reaction after seeing it. and im still giggling right

now. (stupid. i know.) and now, i have to search the entire ipo for

tuition classes. god. i was like, " where should i go." , "Is he/she

good or what?" and blah. bad news. mum forced me to wear that

skirt to school with tha tie. fyi, i dont even kno's how to tie a tie.

err... get me? well, i need someone to tie my tie for me like every

single time i wear that skirt. crazy. whatever it is, im goona stick

to my Baju Kurung. (unfortunately, i cant. sigh.) tbh, im fucking

excited and happy right now. my brain is outta ideas so yeah,

the end. :DDDDDD XO,Y

insomniac

2010-04-25T14:13:00.002+08:00

i couldnt sleep well last night. due to those thoughts in my mind. i
keep on rolling on my bed like the entire time. sigh. im wondering
whether am i qualified in science stream in form6. and i kno nothing
about form6. and im also wondering whether can i be in SMI? i mean,
according to the seniors, they said that this year, the school principal
might not let us out of RPS (which clearly means im dead). sigh. meow
said that she will be going to the school to take that whatever transfer
form (along with me). i regret so very much that i didnt work hard
enough last year. i kno that, there's no point and time regreting after
all those things became a reality and everything is clear enough to be
seen. but still, i am regreting like shit. i always name myself a failure
these very days for those sadness can be seen in both of my parents's
eyes. i wanna and have always wanta be someone proud in their eyes.
but i failed. i've always tried to please them but i am still failing. (im
useless, right? yes, i kno that.) ahahhahahhas. went Jayjay today
and i bought my favourite novel, Hunted, the fifth novel from the
house of night series. (imma huge fan of it, you see.) sigh. im now,
stucked in Klebang, blogging, still scolding myself for being sucha
pain-in-the-ass. will be off to Jusco later to watch the comedy
movie, Being Human. alright, thats all for today. signing off. bye,
peeps. XO,Y

swollen moon and sprinkling stars.

2010-04-24T13:40:00.003+08:00

Beneath the shining star,
beneath the gleaming moon,
when night has healed the scars,
of burning moon.

and so, i say to you,
if hate possess your heart,
when day's hot strife is through,
bid hate depart.

the disappointing day,
whenever wrong or how,
is something passed away,
is ended now,
forget, forgive the scars,
and sleep will find you soon,
beneath the shining stars,
the gleaming moon.

unlike others as the moon was unlike the stars.

♥

2010-04-23T14:38:00.003+08:00

My World (Justin Bieber's album)

Animal (Ke$ha's album)

Hunted (House Of Night)

Tempted (House Of Night)

Burned (House Of Night)

Long White + Gray cardigan

Red + Black Sneakers

Ballerina Pumps

Hair bands

Dresses

i'll really roll on the floor and cry because of those

listed above. i want them all so effin badly

knowing that i cant. (unfortunately) so many more

to shop for before entering my FormSix. :(

from now on, i must really try to get some brain-

smoothing whenever there is time to get rid of those

veins of redness that ran thru my eyes.

Is my Love your Drug?

Ooo-la-la~

2010-04-20T21:07:00.004+08:00

yeah, im back from my Genting trip. say what, i cant feel any cold
at all. instead, im sweating. can you imagine that? i use to wrap
myself like a big furry ball but this time, i didnt do it anymore.
im wearing a thin body hugging tee with my pants. yeah, thats
all. its like wth? im expecting to freeze to death but i didnt. fuhh..
aunt said maybe its because of chickenpox or maybe global
warming? ahahahhahas. dont ask me. i dont kno tho. this time,
there will be no pictures to be uploaded cause i wasnt in the right
mood during the trip. got pissed for like so many effin times by
those unmatured human beings. god. okay, letme start with the
1st day, alright? we started our journey at around 10 in the morn'.
yeah. its late. and when we reach Hulu selangor, the traffic jammed
like heaven due to that whatever re-election for blah blah blah.
when we reach gohtong jaya, we have our lunch there before going
up to the peak. :) reach Genting at around 1pm and went and
meet up with my cousin brother who went Genting with his
friends before us. after meeting with him, we went and renew our
membership card. after that renewing session, we went into the
theme park to meet up with sis's friends. they really piss me off
by making me walk like a dork in the theme park. wth? i brought
them to those game stations and they refused to go up and have a
nice game. hello, we came up all the way from Ipo and you garls
just wanna stroll here doing nothing? that sucks! i hate it. im
showing my fucked up faces when im with them. i couldnt bear it
that i told sis to go BumCity with me. when we was about to get
our butt out of there, aunt called us and we went lunch together.
ate chicken rice with orange juice. :) sis got very exhausted due to
that walking round and round that we went back to our rooms
and got ourselves refreshed. after that, dad's friend asked us to go
to the bowling court and met cousie along with his friends in the
snooker section. he's playing and i was like "Woah, you can play bro."
i got too bored that i went to the indoor and shop myself. luckily,
there's thai fair there and i manage to buy myself something. :)
i was so busy shopping that i forget about the time that makes
aunt call me. went back to the room and goodnight. woke up at
8 o'clock the next morning and went for breakfast. i didnt eat
much but i drink a lot. i drank MILK. ehehehehe. :) my favourite.
went to the themepark again and i told aunt that i wanna enjoy
kau kau! i went to the spinner myself and blah. at around 12,
i brought sis along with me and we went and watch 4D Motion
Master, The Turtle's Vision. Met a very old friend of mine. i've
got no idea whether do he still remembers me or not. for it has
been a real long time since we last contacted each other. he's always
the gentlemen to me. there's a lot of thing that he did that makes
him stick to my memory. He use to be the one who saves me a
place in the tuition, open the door for me, carry my books, and
more. ahahahahs. (so, Dont think much. we're just friends.
nothing special, aite?) he smiled at me and sat beside me during
tha show. well, i just nodded and smiled back. :) right after that,
we went for lunch along with cousie bro. after that, we went to the
Motion Master again and this time we watched, Haunted House.
cousin bro makes me laugh the bejeezus crap outta me especially
when he pretended to scream when the ghost are out. i still
couldnt get enough that i told him to accompany me to the
theme park and get our ass on that thunder train. its something
like a roller coaster only that it didnt turn around like 360 degrees.
most of the games, i sat all by myself for bro have to accompany
sis. on our train, there's many ladies that they screamed like hell
whenever we reach the most exciting part. ahahhahas. and that
makes me go, "Oooooo. ahahahhahs." , "Boooooooo." and more
laughs. too bad that was the last game. thanks to sis's friend who
ruined my first day there. i should have enjoyed more. Grrrrrr...
Reach home really late last night for the car gives us problem.
if im not mistaken, its someting to do with the whatever spring
near that tyre. and its also the reason why i skip my driving lesson
today for i sleep really very very late last night. urm,.. its actually
this morning. tbh, im tired right now. signing off...

You said you Love and Miss me lots, will you prove it to me? :))

when i look at you.

2010-04-14T11:15:00.003+08:00

My blisters are turning into brown scabs. but, there's still a few of
them that havent completely dry off. i can say that its still watery
in it. :( im wishing so much that it will all completely dry off a.s.a.p.
im seeing people packing getting ready to get in college or maybe
going aboard, mostly all the time. but me, im still stucking at home
doing nothing. basically, im still waiting for that letter from my
school saying that i will be in form6 soon or later. sadly, i havent
receive it-yet! gosh. according to one of my junior, she said that
the school havent receive the list from the JPP. Gotta wait for like
everyday just for that letter. how sad. days are like very boring
to me. everyday's just the same. wake up, breakfast, bath, a lil' bit
of housework, facebook, Blog, iTunes, novels, lunch, nap, TV, novels,
dinner, facebook, Msn, Blog, and good night. thats all. repeating yet
repeating every single day. owh. Bored isnt? i've got a call from a
close friend of mine who is now performing his national service in
Lumut. his camp have got the privilege that they will be given a
chance to use their cell phones everyday without giving it to their
respective trainee's. but, there's a dumbass in his camp who have
got nothing else better to do that he went and wrote a big notice
and put it up on the walls that many people will pass it by. obviously
that notice had arose the anger in every each of the comander and
trainee's. that dumbass wrote that he hates the camp so much that
he wish that he could burn it and saying how much he had hated
that particular trainee and also say something that had really
offended all the comander and trainee's. since the comander is darn
angry right now, that he made his decision by keeping every single
one's cell phone and can only use it on saturday nights and a must to
return it back on sunday evening. Now dear readers, you tell me. how
stupid can that dumbass (fyi, he's a malay boy.) be? god. he's like a
big, huge, large, tremendous, enemy to every fine person on that
camp. now that everyone hates him and even refuses to make friends
with him. arhhh.. how brilliant he could be? Gosh. according to my
friend, he got to write out a speech saying he's sorry and so on, on
the stage in front of everyone. not only that, he also have to read out
loud that "fine" notice that he wrote. (how embarrassing?) urgh. :s
mum promised me by bringing me to the Pharmacy today to buy
that Vit. E oil and also that No Scar cream to apply on. :) ah, hell.
what else do i need? Crap! my moisturizer's empty. so do my toner.
god. so many to buy this time.

its like an angel came by and took me to heaven.

emergency!

2010-04-13T14:45:00.003+08:00

i like that song by Mizznina featuring colby o'donis tittled What you
waiting for so much. but i've got no idea of how to download it. i found
it in this webbie and tried downloading it so many times but ended
up with failure. it requires me to open a new account and i did. it also
says that a verification email will be sent to me. instead, i got nothing
like whathefuck? argh! damn it. screw it. screw it. screw it. can
somebody help me out with this? :s i hate asking for help actually.
and one more. have you got any idea of where am i suppose to
download that rhiannon will you ever win by didi benami? GOSH!
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

http://ezone4u.blogspot.com/2010/04/mizznina-what-you-waiting-for-mp3.html

Love songs

2010-04-12T20:49:00.004+08:00

a little updates about me. well, its a good news that my blisters are
drying off. leaving a hard, black, skin behind. and there are some
that havent completely dry off. im still waiting for it to get itself
done. after all those blisters dry off, im gonna buy myself a vit. E
oil cream to apply. according to aunt Hai Ling, she said that it will
and so gonna will make my skin looks better. :) andandand, one
more thing. she also told me to look for a 'no scar' cream to apply
in case there really is a scar (hopefully none, cross fingers) on my
face. :s Daddy bought me a new sandals today. HEEHEE. and its
black in colour. thanks, papa. :))) omg. im still wondering what
should i wear to Genting this sunday. oh, gosh! everything happen
oh-so-sudden. sigh. i've finish reading all the novels that i have
on my study table. (all my novel collections are well arranged on
my study tabel and oh, there's many of them and i need more.)
including that house of night series that aunt bought me for my
birthday last year. yeah, and also the new novel that mum bought
me the other day, tittled "Love is Hell." fuhhh.. all done. and, i
want some more. God. Mum promise to bring me to MPH again
once i've recovered fully and make all those books mine. *grin*
nyeheheheh~ speaking about novels, i cant get enough. its like,
im addicted to them. i just, well. love them. i hope mummy will
get it all for me cause, urm.. wait. let me count. one. two. three.
four. five. six. seven. eight. :F there's eight of them. i hope mummy
will get it for me and i promise to be angel at home. :DDDD

where is the love - Celine Dion

Zortes Virus

2010-04-11T16:17:00.003+08:00

today, my blisters seems to dry up. fast isnt it? its only the fourth
day. yea yeah. its all because of the medicine that im taking. its the
latest chickenpox antibiotic medicine helps to recover even faster.
:)))) im sooooooo glad. HEHE. that i paint my nails and sort. no
more fever and yeah. im recovering. but the thing that matters me
above all is that my throat is failing me like omg. the pain got so
much painful compared to yesterday. sobx. i can really cry
especially when im eating. goshhh.. why must it hurt so much?
sigh. nevermind. nevermindd. neverminddd. i'll try my very best
to endure the pain when the swallowing process is needed.
scoliosis's is even worst. so, obviously i can get thru it like
other kids do. Genting next sunday. OOOOHHH goooossssshhhh!
pls, deary baby chicky poxxies. no scars for me.. :DDDD i've got
addicted to Justin Bieber's Never Let You Go. i kno someone got
so forcefully to say the word he is sooooo cute. ahahhahas. im so
sorry about that.

Is missing you part of my living now? i read that line. :)

sobs.

2010-04-10T08:56:00.003+08:00

day three of me having chickenpox. it havent itch me that much yet
but i believe that it will so soon. i couldnt sleep well last night for my
chickenpox are hurting and itching me. sigh. i've got to wake up so
many times just to apply that calamine lotion on me. its tiring. i cant
eat spicy food, seafood, fried food and sour drinks or whatever it is.
for my throat fails me. im eating porridge like everyday and got to
take in soft food just like a toddler. gosh. whenever i try to swallow
something, my throat will definately hurts me like shit. its like, i can
feel something blocking inside. according to the doctor, even our
alimentary canal will be full with chicken pox when you're having it.
my cousins cant stop gawking at me especially when im applying that
calamine lotion all over my face. im still worrying that it will leave me
scars and yeah, its like hell if there's scars on my face. mum said that
there will be none if im angel enough for not scratching it. but aunt
said that, those big ones with fluid inside will leave some. i'll be dead
if there is. god. :'(

chicken chicken chickenPox

2010-04-09T16:11:00.005+08:00

God. i shall name yesterday as disaster day. im having quite high
fever yesterday morning at around 6. after sending brother to
school, mum and aunt thought of bringing me to the 24hours
clinic for a check-up. when we reach there, got down from the car,
went into the clinic and WTF! the doctor isnt there yet. according
to the nurse, ...

Miss ar, doctor will be here only at 8AM.
what? i thought this is a 24hour's clinic and you're telling me that the doctor will only
be here by 8?
errr... yalorr..
fine.

then, we went to the next 24hours clinic again. and the same thing
happened. we have got no choice but to go Restaurant Foo Shan to
buy breakfast and go home right after that. reach home, slept for
like an hour plus. mum woke me up again and brought me to the
other doctor. yeah, i am having fever, sorethroat and body ache.
kinda relieve to hear that actually. :) later on, the doctor told me
that shez worried that it might not be a normal fever but dengue.
gosh. i ate the medicine as soon as i reach home. after the 3rd time
taking the medicine, red spots started to spread all over my body.
i thought it was the symptoms of dengue but my thought broke
after i showed aunt. she said that its chickenpox actually. so, then
we rush to the clinic near Jusco, named Clinic Revin. the doctor
gave me antibiotics, itchy medicine and calamine lotion to apply
on. aunt said that it will become worst today and will start to go
off by tomorrow. i swear that i didnt touch it and i've even stared at
the mirror for billion, trillion, gazallion of time. god!! that poxxy
thingy is now on my face. *ohmyfuckingarse.* its not itchy yet but
its painful that my entire body feels so dead the whole day long.
God, God, GOD! on the 18th i will be going Genting for hols.
can you imagine me going there like this? Grrr... c'mon, baby
chicky pox. dont leave me any scar cause i'll definately not going
to miss you! one more thing, i suppose to go to MGS's pesta ria
this saturday and i missed it like wtf! i suppose to go shopping with
my aunts this sunday ans i missed it too. arghhh! one thing im
glad of is that, this chiky pox doesnt visits me when im having
PMR, or SPM examination. Geezz.. consider lucky, huh? =F

baby, pls dont leave me any scar. i swear i will not touch you. xoxo;

Ah, Hell.

2010-04-04T12:20:00.002+08:00

All im gonna say is, "Ah, Crap!".

she, with beautiful exterior to the cold, calculating person within.

In love--not

2010-03-31T11:26:00.002+08:00

A thousand times good night, A thousand times the worse,
to want thy light. Love goes towards love as schoolboys
from their books, but Love from love, towards school
with heavy looks..

Many had asked me what does that means and there are some who
think its confusing. ahahahahs. its a love Haiku and i picked this line
from Romeo&Juliet novel. some might had thought that i've fallen in
love. but the truth is, none. its just, i like the Haiku up there. i dont
know why. i just like it. Its confusing yet meaningful. You, the one
who's reading this might not share the same thought as me, right? :)
okay. whatever. i might not be in the right mood these few days that
is why im reading most of the time. I still cant get over it. i cant get
over the grief that i've created. i get annoyed very easily and might
even go moody for no proper reason. im not PMS-ing or whatever.
i think i really need to talk to a counsellor before i really goes mad.
i do really hope that my parents will understand me for this very
moment. sigh. I hate it so much when some chauvinistic human
beings cant stop talking about the topic that i cant get over with.
They arent blind or maybe they are "blind" temporarily that they
keep repeating and repeating the same old shits over and over again
right before my face! i cant say anything especially when they are
way much older than me. For that sec, i really wish that im will
turn into ashes or maybe invisible so that i can simply walk away.
TBSS, i didnt. im still sitting there solidly, listening to it. it pretty
hurts. but, what can i do? its all over already. i cant do a thing
anymore right now. they should understand that its all facts and
its OVER! Crap! its already over for like half a year. cant they just
shut their mouths and get over it like the way i do? SHUTHEFUCKEDUP.

i've learn to appreciate life;

2010-03-26T16:57:00.002+08:00

the smell of the medicine still lingers in the cardigan that i wore
yesterday. yeah. i havent wash it yet and of course i wont be
wearing it to movie tonight. ahahahahs. i've been in and out of the
hospital for the past two days. dont ask for the reason. its private.
when i pass by those wads and see those people who had just done
their surgery or whatever, my heart aches. but, i cant do anything
except for that silent prayer that i murmured beneath my breath.
i swear that i will perform my duty-fully when im of-fi-cial-ly
pronounced as a nurse. yes, i will. many had told me that i must be
a very strong person because i will be witnessing death before my
eyes, anytime. and i sometimes doubt that i can be like the someone
that they had mentioned since i can cry very very easily? SIGH.
i really hope that i can grow lots more faster and stronger each day
so that the same old blardy problem dont have to bug me and no
more tears to be shed. hmm. whatever. Gotta go Parade this sunday
to shop for everything that i ever needed. ooooo. Cash to be spenT.
hmm.. i still need to look for that Big white flower clip for aunt's
wedding. i wonder where to find it. *scratch head* i sometimes
wonder why must some people tend to kill themselves when they
cant be able to solve some of their major problems. cant they think
of those people who have to go in and out of the hospital almost
everyday or maybe those who are lying in their sick bed? sigh. and
me, cant stop complaining of the pain that im having due to scoliosis.
i guess i have to stop complaining and start believing that its all God's
decision and its of no point for me to complain all day long when it
will never get any better when i ever complains. right? :)

i've learn to appreciate life and never afraid of losing life.

red, the colour of blood

2010-03-20T11:10:00.004+08:00

when i look at the sky in the dark, im hoping to see a big, round,
bright moon shining on me. and whenever i see it, i'll close my eyes
and make my very wish. hoping that it will come true someday. but,
that someday is still so faraway. Vampyres. this word will definately
cross my mind after the wishing part. people said that everytime
when its full moon, thats the night or the hour for the vampyres to
be all out hunting for their very precious, blood. back in my younger
days, i use to asked mummy a very silly question whenever i sees
the moon hung brightly on the sky. and so the little me begins, ...

ma, will i be meeting mr/ms. vampyre, since its full moon tonight?
*giggles* no, sweetheart. you wont wish to see mr/ms. vampyres if there really is.
no ma, i wish to meet them. i wonder if they can tell me whats the taste of blood until
they wants to drink it most of the time?
silly girl! there's no vampyres in this world anymore. its all tales. perhaps, they do
really exist a trillion decades ago.
so, that means there's no vampyres anymore?
honey, there's none. go to bed now.
okay. goodnight mummy.

ahahhas. Dear readers, now you tell me how sillier could i be?
mummy said that im not silly but naive and eager to know more.
intrigued. yeah.the right word. and finally one day i got the "chance"
to kno how does blood tastes like. that was when i first experience
nose bleed in primary. blood flow heavily that covered my chin and
neck. it then drip into my mouth and i accidentally tasted it. i was like,
"euuu...i didnt kno why the vampyres have bloodlust since blood taste so
awfully bad." that was what my respond was like when i tastes it.
*laugh like mad* how stupid. and it makes me think of it today
be-cause, im having nose bleed quite often these days and headache
in the same time. i dont kno why. maybe its due to the hot weather
that we are having here, in malaysia. ah, God. blood will drop from
my nose all of a sudden when im busy with something or maybe even
when im lying down doing nothing. i dont get it why. and the next fine
minute is headache. i can really lose more weight if this continues to
happen to me. i sometimes wonder whathehell is happening to me?
am i dying or what? its like, i've gone from bad to worst. it pretty
sucks when i have to taste my own blood in my throat each time it
bleeds. God, it makes me feel like drinking ice all the time. owhh..
maybe it will make me feel better? urm.. no idea. =/

there's sweetness behind bitterness and vice versa.

its okay with me.

2010-03-19T16:29:00.005+08:00

So im here blogging again. and i didnt know what more i can say so i
just wrote this to help you understand eventho, i kno that you wont
be reading this. yeah, everytime after all the arguing between you
and me, i feel upset and i will begin to cry. the reason why i cry is
because i never knew that i have hurt you this bad. till the day when
you actually tell me whats your hope on me, i couldnt hold it back
but let it all out, tears. i can forget everything but i cant forget the
tender way you teach me words that im not familiar with till late
night and the moment when you first told me your hope. i knew
that all your hope had shattered by me and you might lose those
all those confidence that you once had in me. i cant say sorry any
more for i should be sorry for what i've done and 've been doing.
i know that i've hurt you in many ways either thru speech or action.
i do really hope that someone have told me what the hell that i've
done. there's no point saying the word regret anymore now for it
have all happened right before my eyes. right? sigh. now that you
have made your very decision by taking away something that i
almost-cant-live- without. its hard for me to do so but i have to obey
it since i've been sinning since the day i was born. i kno that you're
doing all this for my own good. and i will treat it as a punishment to
what i've done. sigh. now that i will have to do my form6 back in my
school and you insisted me to stay in my own school instead of
transfering. i just... well, i dont kno what else can i say. sigh. i
sometimes feels like im suffocating and there's no more space for me
to breathe. i just wish that you wont take the decision that you have
made so seriously. yes, i kno that you're fear that i will not do well in
my STPM like what i've done in my SPM. i kno that. but, i promise
that i shall not repeat it,--never. oh my god. im being too emotional
today. *drying the tears* but nevermind, its okay with me. i should
actually thank you for making this decision. its a good thing too so
that i can concentrate 100% on my studies, right? it pretty hurts
right now. but i guess soon or later, i will get use to it. i am so gonna
will get use to it. Thanks, mum.

even if it kills me but, i still miss you with the X and O's.

Hungover

2010-03-18T11:42:00.003+08:00

with my cousin bugging me for three days long in my house.
practically, we did nothing much but chatting most of the time.
gosh, i didnt knew that holiday would be this bored to me. sigh.
i really wish that i can go back to school once again with my
compadre's, laughing, giggling and doing things that we use to
do. i do really miss that very moment. hmm.. special birthday
shoutout to one of my friend, JOSHUA VOO. i hope you're
reading this post right here. sorry, im way too lazy to upload
your picture here so, Happy Blast 18th Birthday. ahahahahas.
you're now older than me. :P *dont get mad* oh yeah, speaking
about school days, i will be starting my school life once again in
just prolly another 2 more months. :s sounds fast, isnt it? but, in
me im totally excited + freaked out. i wonder what kindof human
beings i will be meeting later. but, most probab-LY, chinese. yeah.
you're right. dont get so suprise when i said chinese here. fyi, i
dont really likes people of my own race. weird, huh? yes. name
me one. whatever. i use to be with those malays and indians back
in school since the age of 7 until now. i remember back in those
days when my parents complain saying that im bringing indian
accent into my english language whenever words are out from my
mouth. ahahahas. and, it still happens now--as in, sometimes. not
all the time. *winks* the reason why, i dont have to mention it.
you can already guess. am i right? i think i've posted about this
quite lots of time but i hope you wont mind reading it again. heees.
she, who was my compadre since 9 till now. of 10years friendship
that we finally have to bid goodbye to each other. its saddening
when i got to know that she might not be doing her form6 with me.
sigh. i do hope that she can make thru it. okay, lets skip. i dont
wish to sound oh-so-saddening-all-of-a-sudden. :)) well, movie
tomorrow with the other friend of mine who i knew her since ....
ermm... 9 too, i guess. ahahhahahhas. she will be off to philipines
later and i thought of going out with her, having a long chat with
her and the end of the day. might be watching Alice In Wonderland
in JayJay tomorrow. its all might and under consideration. we're
actually still deciding whether to go,-not? hmmm... prolly, we
wont make it. LOL. its hard to say sometimes about something
that is my topsecret. i bet everyone has her/his own secret right?
anyway, i know that you'll miss me a lot and yeah, i will do the
same too. :D Glad? you should. "J, i hope you will find your very
own college, soooo soon. :D"
last but not least, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOSHUA VOOOOOOO!

in the dark, you're the only shiny star that i can see.

Flowers

2010-03-16T13:14:00.003+08:00

went Klebang instead of Taiping last sunday. since Hai Shan aunt's
wedding is drawing closer and closer, everyone at home is getting
so excited that they cant stop shopping for this and thats. and me
as the bride's maid, i've got nothing much to do except for choosing
the oh-so-right-make up for the buffet night, dinner night, and the
wedding day. aunt help me with those make up's and hair-do. tbh,
they looks great. *not me but the make up's*. they even bought
the bride's maid's dress for me and my cousin sister. we accidentally
looks like twins. ignore our heights. obviously, the dress is in white
and with a big bow at the side of the dress. its a tank top with ,
spagetti strips hung over our shoulders. i actually kinda like it. for
mum said that i looks more matured and the word feminine. hees..
im glad that she said that. the major problem now is that, im not
ready with the hair-do for the wedding day. oh gosh. big deal. yes.
big big deal. make up books and hair-do books is all over my room
now and i still cant make my decision of which hair-do to be done.
Sigh. whatever. i guess, i will have to look for a big white flower clip
and clip up my hair like siobhan magnus in American Idol. ahahahs.
she's my favourite among the girls. :))) hmm.. or maybe, i should
curl up my hair? but, im fear that i'll be outtof time. sighh. sighh.
aunt wants karaoke session during the buffet night and she
requested me to sing love songs. i've chose 5 old songs that she'd
consider it, "romantic".

song #1 ; the wedding
song #2 ; the power of love
song #3 ; love me tender
song #4 ; moon river
song #5 ; speak softly love

those lyrics really freaked me out when im singing it. its like gosh.
but, it reminds me of somebody too. ahhahas. whatever. wanna
see me in that dress, view my Facebook profile and you'll see it.
sorry, i've got only two of those picture, i'll be taking more. :D

the best part of beauty is that no picture can express. :3

Ya estoy de vuelta.

2010-03-13T15:33:00.002+08:00

Je t’adore, Je t’adore ,
Make a move, do the thing ,
Turn around, strike a pose..

i promise this, tears means weakness. but i'll never stop tryin'.

silence.

2010-03-12T11:35:00.002+08:00

people keep on asking about my results and i dont feel like living
when they does that. my face feels so burning hot and tears will
eventually fall and roll down my cheeks. my parents study my
face expression for a couple of minutes when i first told them my
results and i kno that i've brought such a big disappointment to
them. then i start turning off my phone and locking myself up in
the study room with my novel. i force myself to finish that 3 thick
novel in a months time, in which you will see me reading the whole
day long for i feel that my vocabulary is still so shallow. i feel like
crying eventho it feels so much better after crying but i stop myself
from doing that. each time i feel like doing it, i'll prick my finger
with something sharp when i feel like that. i kno that i should be
positive and thats why i keep reminding myself over and over
again, not to cry but keep smiling like nothings wrong for, "tears
means weakness." to me eventho i've cried for like billion-th,
trillion-th, and gazallion-th time before this. but, i think i shall not
repeat that same old "hobby" that i use to do. when their images
fill my head, my heart feel so painful as if a big huge heavy stone
just punched my heart. back in these very few days i kept on
imagining my parents's smile and laughter when they got to know
that i've get the results that i've been expecting all this while. but
when i got the results slip, all i can do is "sorry". the word sorry.
i kno that it couldnt cure the dissappointment that i've brought
them. eventho when they smile, i do sense that disappointment
in them. sigh. i really wish that im qualified in the sixth form's
science stream so that i could do hell more better than what i've
been doing. tbh, i've not open my mouth to talk since yesterday
afternoon when i reached home. the enviroment turned to be so
cold, dark and gloomy when im home. before this, it use to be so
noisy with my voice shouting, screaming, laughing and singing. ever
since yesterday, --no more. its like, as if a goddess have taken away
those joy and happiness from me. a smile could hardly be seen on
my lips. this morning, i accompanied mum to the clinic to take her
blood test. i didnt open my mouth to talk at all. i know that she had
tried to break that unusual silence that i've made. fyi, i dont use to
be an oh-so-quiet-person for im noisy and loves to complain so
much. but all this silence started since yesterday. i know it might be
uneasy for my parents but by now, i still cant accept that ugly
truth. its undeniable, and i kno it. i just cant believe my eyes when
all this happened as in when i got to know all this. but, what else
can i do besides hope? you're right. i should act right. remember
what i use to say every first day of the year? "cherish the good, and
forget bad." i think i should take those words seriously now. i do
really hope that the unusual silence in me will start to fade and will
never last so long. sigh.

i do believe in second chance.

happy, not?

2010-03-10T11:38:00.002+08:00

SPM result will be tomorrow. it should be like a "oh my god" news
to me. but instead, im still okay with it. when the first time i got
the news saying that spm's results day will be on the 11th March,
i cant stop myself from jumping and those words naturally poured
out--as in all out. fuuhh.. thats bad. i kno. but, when i sit back and
thought to myself, its kinda fast. isnt it? sigh. i heard over the news
saying that there's earthquake in Taiwan causes blah blah number
of deaths and those who got injured. just when i was about to
question daddy dearest about the trip to Shanghai, daddy said,

our trip got cancelled.
whathe... but why?
blame the eathquake for that
wtf*
and that trip will be after your STPM.
oh, okay. WHAT?!

yeah. brilliant daddy went and cancel it off and make it after my
STPM. sigh. you're really brilliant daddy. which means i still have
to rot at home for the next 2 months before i get into form6. hell!
FML. i should be MLAS to prevent further arguement between me
and mum. i got no idea of why i cant get along with my mum these
very few days. she often get my nerves on by saying something
that i dont like. oh, whatever. i dont mean to back stab my mum
here, in my blog. but that's the truth. sigh. forget about it. when
im reading the house of night series, i sometimes wish that the
school of night do really exists in this world. ahahahahs. how silly
am i?

2010-03-05T14:43:00.002+08:00

Yee called Anita the online Psychic to know her future

Anita said:
''Yee sweetheart, don't stress over something because you don't
understand it. The key to making things work is listening.''

i finally get it. i think i should start learning that word that people
use to say, "Mind your own bussiness." i somehow understand what
does it mean with the word. you can hate me like the way you hate
your enemies, stab me like the way you have always wanted but
never give up in the thing that you have been doing. tears flowing
like rivers might help but mind you, it doesnt worth it. when you're
reading this, i know that you must be thinking that i really am a good
actress right? trying to be the angel and demon in the same time.
mind you again, im not.

*I'm just coming out and I'm going to clearly be myself - I write what I feel,
I never worry what others think.

Happy Ending.

2010-03-03T15:05:00.004+08:00

"... so much for my happy ending ..."

familiar with the song? yes. the song that avril lavigne sang. i've
been going in and out of my school these very days. everyday
when i stepped into the school compund, im bringing new hope,
wishing that there's no lightning follows thunder, waiting inside
me and in all the juniors, everytime the practice officially announced
"over", by the president.. two days back, i went for 2 movies in a
day with my parents hoping that, that could be a break fer me and
so, it did like what i've expected. i laughed throughout the movie
and when i reached home, got myself cleaned and i slept. sun rises
the next morning and i thought of going back to school but i've got
something to deal with--. obvious enough. i didnt make it to go back
to the school. i called the person that i thought i could reach. but
unfortunately, i didnt. but i've never give up. i tried calling and keep
calling till the next day comes, tuesday. again, i called. and finally,
a Lord's daughter answered. from that cool, rough voice i knew that
it was one of my closest friend who i've never take her as my junior,
Eshan. i finally got what the hell is happening and yeah, i've made up
my mind and will never want to kno or even help the uniform body
that i love and devoted in so much, SJAM. i didnt get it why must
some stucked up human being off their cell phones and didnt even
reply textes that are sent to them. fine, maybe they dont have
enough credit to do so. but, please dont tell me that they are 24/7
away from their cell phones? i dont believe in that. even Eshan told
me that. either they off their cell phones or maybe send someone to
simply answer the call and say that she's not in or whatever. people
dont call for purpose. *what-a-turd* that very minute when Eshan
told me whats happening and so on, i feel like im all bubble up and
boiled over. i could hear my own voice screaming inside me.
how i wish i could just grab a fucking freak and bang his/her head
to the wall. how i wish i could do that. ARGH! i promised Sab, to bring a
"sir" to the school and watch them. but, Eshan told me that, i will
be wasting my damn time bringing the "sir" in cause, there will be
no training or meeting on wednesday, and which is today. wtf?
he purposely take a day off just to come to our school and watch
the juniors march and there's no training, today? ohhh.. Big deal.
i owe him another big time, just because of this! fuck it. im mad
enough. oh, fine! Im Quiting this Bloody job right here. yes mind
you, i-am-qui-ting. Darn happy right? fuck off!

hate me. you will so going to be doing that.

:c

2010-02-27T12:18:00.001+08:00

imSPEECHLESS,baby.

SJAM - N/C3

2010-02-24T17:57:00.002+08:00

went back to SMK Raja Perempuan with meow. the school that
i love and hate the most. seems like nothing changed in tha school.
everything remains the same. the food, toilet, field, the everything
there. even teachers. ahahahs. i've always hope that this year's
squad will be much more better than what last year was.
but to my dismay, it have gone from bad to worst.
i guess, im expecting too much, aite? sigh. i just cant control the
sudden adrenaline rush in me. i cant control my temper today.
i got no idea of why. i need a break. yeah, yes.. i need it so much.
i thought there will be 20 plus members in a squad. but when i
reached there, there's only 11 of them. i was like, wtf? what do
you expect me to train? again, i keep that efff* word from coming
out. yeah, i've succeed. i didnt. i kept it in me. i pull myself away
from the squad hoping that my anger will ease. i took a walk
with meow buying drink for my huney, penny. bought it, gave
it to her. train again. i thought after a break, they will be so much
better, but tho i was wrong. the way they actually march make
me feel so mad and they looks like, the seniors which is us,
doesnt really teach them how to march?? but, we've taught them
thousand, billion, trillion times. and the result is ZERO. wth?
then what for, me and meow going back to the school training
them? standing under the hot sun? why dont i stay at home,
enjoying myself under the air-cond? its because i dont wish to
see the squad to fall. i dont wish to see it. i dont want division
N/C 3, to be a joke among all the other uniform bodies in RPS!
we, the St John members had won the marching competition for
2 consecutive years. i've always hope and wish to hear the
news saying that SJAM won again, this year. i guess my hope
will be shared among the seniors from year '07, till '10 batch.
please girls, lend us a cooperative hands. please. girls. i kno,
you've tried your best but give out your very best. try
remembering what we have taught you. practice it at home!
c'mon girls! where have all your spirit gone? sigh. im gonna
watch movie tonight with parents. gonna watch dad's idol, Jackie
chan in Little Big soldier. its a comedy movie i think. not so sure.
today's more like a mess to me. gonna have a break. :(

fer you;
i passed by your blog today. read that post. feel like crying when
i was reading the last line above those big letters. yeah, you're
rushing. gimme time. most probably, i will be complaining to you,
this whole night. im feelin' so sick.

Last night

2010-02-23T10:41:00.004+08:00

went Jayjay to watch True Legend last night with my parents.
got nagged all the way from home till' jayjay fer not booking it,
earlier. sigh. luckily, there is tickets left for us. i was like, ...

oh, thank God!
what?
nothing. heehees.

the movie will start at 8.30PM sharp, and my watch shows only
7.45PM. and we went straight to the foodcourt fer Dinner of
course. i ate Una Don for thats my favourite. (: *smiles*
the enviroment was like oh-so-bored and so i turn on my iPod
to "entertain" myself. ...take a dirty picture for me, take a dirty...
thats the first line that i heard. i like that song. its Dirty picture
from Ke$ha feat Taio Cruz. and the second song comes like,
...Blah blah blah... its from Ke$ha also. ahahahs. and for that
moment my head's full with Ke$ha's. mum and dad's done with
their foooooood and we went up to the cinema eventho its not
8.30 yet. there's no place to sit outside the cinema and so we
stood. standing there, looking at the True Legend bannner and
i smiled. the movie that i'll be watching. just when i was about
to look away, someone caught my attention. Him, E. walking
to my direction with a lil' girl next to him. she looks more like
him and that must be his sister. thought of saying the word Hi,
but mum pulled me to the other corner. the 6th song that fills
my eardrum was from Leighton Meester, Somebody to love.
it was kinda weird standing at that particular corner away
from everyone. i then heard, dad's voice calling me. when i
walk towards him, all he said was nothing? Grrrr... fine. i
stood there again with mum looking at the movie banner that
i'll be watching later. just when i was about to pull my attention
to the other corner, he passed me by. as fast as the lightning.
i thought maybe he didnt noticed me, or maybe he's avoiding
me. but, thats impossible that he cant see me. right? i was
standing right behind him, a meter away. fyi, he was buying
drinks and pop corn that time. he then, went straight to capcom.
oh whatever. thats all i can say. nobody kno's what he's thinking.
forget about it. the ticket that i got was D10, 11, and 12. which
means its the 4rd row away from the screen. i kinda hate the
enviroment in teh cinema when im surrounded by couples all
over me. D-U-H. the movie's awesome. its about a guy named,
Su who's a brave soldier. he rescued the prince from the
"bad mans" with his god-brother, Yuan. the Prince then,
decided to choose Su as the Gabenor and he even criticised Yuan.
Yuan, who was outside the tent overheard their conversation.
Su, refused to be the Gabenor and he went all the way home
when sun rises the next day. he lived a happy life with Ying, his
wife, younger sister of Yuan and his son, Feng. one day, Yuan
returned home to where, Su's family lived and also the place
where he grew up. Su's father suspected his homecoming and
therefore he warned Su and Ying to be extra careful. while Su
is busy outside, Yuan killed Su's father and even took his head
for Su's father killed Yuan's father. when Su got the news that
his father is killed, he fighted with Yuan. Su lost. Yuan threw him
into the Hwang Ho river. Ying was there too, she cant bear to
lose her husband and so she jumped into the river. pity lil' Feng
who have to live a miserable life with his uncle, Yuan. miraculously,
Ying and Su is still alive and they live in the woods with Yu.
Yu, is the only one living in that woods. she's a wine maker.
fyi, Yu is our Datuk Michelle Yeoh.
Su's right tendon is teared and he wont be able to use his right
hand for sometime. he lost his confidence and stop practising
wushu. Ying and Su fought. Ying got mad to see Su, drinking
for the whole day long. one day, Su got his confidence back
and start practicing his wushu everyday until he lived in his own
fantasy world that he see's the God of Wushu who is Jay Chou.
He practised everyday and Ying is afraid that he will be a pyscho
soon. she then, made up her mind of rescueing her son, Feng
without Su. she went to her brother's place and unfortunately,
she got tied up by her brother's men and was buried alive in
a box for Yuan kno's that Su will definately come and kill him.
Su came and fought with Yuan. Yuan lost this time. He died.
same goes to Ying. Su lived a miserable life, without Ying by his
side. he drinks everyday and wondered everywhere with his son.
Just then, The English men came and they opened a arena to
fight with chinamens. many china wushu fighters died in the
arena. Ma, who was Su's God-brother saw Su and Feng. he
brought them to a old house to live. Su live in his fantasy world
again with his God of Wushu. the God of Wushu taught him the
"Drunken Fist". Ma then told him that he will be fighting with
the Englishmen the next fine day. As Ma was about to lose,
Su took over and he won. the prize he got was 100 pieces of
silver. he uses his Drunken fist and fought with 5 big Englishmens.
how marvellous. he went and wondered all around the country
along with his son. and tada!!! The End. :)

Differences between Love and Like

2010-02-21T22:00:00.002+08:00

in front of the person you love, your heart beats faster
but in front of the person you like, you get happy.

in front of the person you love, winter seems like spring,
but in front of the person you like, winter is just a beautiful
winter.

if you look into the eyes of the one you love, you blush,
but if you look into the eyes of the one you like, you smile.

in front of the person you love, you cant say everything on
your mind,
but in front of the person you like, you can.

in front of the person you love, you tend to get shy,
but in front of the person you like, you can show your ownself.

the person you love cross you mind every 2 minutes,
you can look straight into the eyes of the one you love,
but you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.

when the one you love is crying, you cry with them,
but when the one you like is crying you end up comforting.

the feeling of love starts from the eyes,
and the feeling of like starts from the ear.

so, if you stop liking a person you used to like
all you need to do is cover your ears,
but if you try to close your eyes,
Love turns a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever.

now tell me whether you love me or you like me. xoxo;

happy birthday.

2010-02-20T16:32:00.004+08:00

today's day number two in the country home. i've got totally zero
work and this gives me a chance to online all day long. there will
be a steamboat party held at the country home tonight. my far
related cousin will be back from the united states. she arrived
last night and will be coming over for dinner. everyone's busy
preparing food and so on. i suck in kitchen's work so yeah, im
left in the roomie with my cousin sister. and my cousin brother
will be full-time busy with his computer games. sitting in th
room like a princess aint a great job to do. stucking in there,
doing the hair and nails, staring at the wide ceiling and eventually
fall asleep. oh yeah, according to the chinese calendar, the 7th
day of cny is all human's birthday. and its today. well,
happy birthday fellow humans. :) ahahahahs. how silly. and
that will be the reason why there's a steamboat party tonight,
i surmise. speaking about steamboat it makes me thinks of u.
i've got no idea of why. whatever. push it aside. i bet tonight's
atmosphere will be filled with laughter and joy. no doubt its
gonna be bored. i can bet, aye. luckily, my brain manage to
function well that i brought my novel along. imagine if i didnt.
it will be bored dead. im currently addicted to the house of
night series. it might sound interested for the tittle sounds
spooky. isnt it? house of night... ahahahahahs. if you're curious
to find out what it is or maybe how does the book looks like,
simply click on this link, http://www.houseofnightseries.com/ . im
extremely slow for i've only read the 1st book. im warning you,
its addictive. beware. *chuckles* omfa! the weather is so
effin hot, hot, HOT! that im sweating almost all the damn time.
sucks. i hate sweating, you see. ahhh.. c'mon. everyone hates
sweating. am i right? im not wrong, i think. ermm.. maybe
except for those in the north and south pole. HEEEHEESS.
or maybe they dont, maybe they're enjoying the ice there.
urrrghh. there's many maybe's. guess what, im blogging with
my cousin sister next to me staring at this blog post here. :)
shez cute you see eventho there might be times that shez
kinda a lil' irritating. god, you cant imagine how nice could
she be today. she actually straighten my whole head fer me.
errr.. sorry, i meant my hair. and i love it like, trillion effin
times. ahahahahs. *showing off my teeths* . its freaking
straight and im so gonna make that hair straightener all mine.
not to forget, a PINK one. :) nyeehehehehe~ . im wondering
so much, will malaysia snow one day? for the whole year long?
NAHHHHH! it wont. stop dreaming. oh yeah, before i forgot..

Happy Birthday, people.

its over.

2010-02-19T17:04:00.003+08:00

oh well. what can i say? the chinese new year is about to end. yeah,
its ending. and next week, monday, school girls and boys are going
back to school and to perform their duties. hahahahs. and me,
stucking at home and doing those chores over and over again. sigh.
i cant sigh anymore for i've promised to have a blast year, this year.
whatever. who cares. holy crap. holy, holy, holy, Crap! Gross. i
promise someone to actually date this sunday which means the day
after tomorrow. but, it seems that i've broke my promise. im sorry.
i just ... sigh. im apologizing again. mum actually took away my cell
phone which means i cant text nor call or whatever. sorry to those
who have been calling or texting me. im so sorry again. and
especially you. i kno, you'll definately text me right after your work
yesterday or maybe the day before yesterday but you'll be getting
nothing. im sorry. the reason why mum take away my phone will
be remained a secret i guess. nah, im not gonna tell. so please dont
ask. thank you. i hope you're reading this post right here. i hope
you'll understand what actually is going on. thank you once again.
and last but not least, sorry.

the storms are over and there'll be a brand new sunny day. :)

Happy Blast day!

2010-02-12T16:05:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUN HONG A.K.A PIGGY!

have an awesome day.

Happy Birthday

2010-02-09T10:41:00.003+08:00

tick tock on the clock, .....

the girl named syamim naquiah ....

officially turns ....

EIGHTEEN!!!!

9th Feb '92

you see that sexy baby up there? yeah, shez my Bit*h! were best

buddies ever since secondary4 till' now. the thing that upset me

the most was today. today's her special Big day but i didnt made

it to hang with her or maybe to celebrate with her. im sorry, baby.

i hope you're not mad. but, i promise that there is a belated bday

bash!!! i promise there will be!! let seee, we were in the same class

since secondary 4 till 5. she was my class's rep then. she actually

does a great job by keeping the class in a controlled condition all

time long. ahahahs. but there are sour times too when she just

have to let a tear drop from her eyes. sigh. but the hard times are

over, babe. its all about fun and joy now! i post her a birthday

card last night. but im not exactly sure whether will she get it

today? i hope she does.

mim a.k.a mrs Sonic ;

i hope you're reading this. sorry that i cant make it to hang.

really sorry about that. i've been stucking at home baking

cookies for cny. sigh. TBSS. sigh. what to do. was a so called

good girl these few days. ahahahs. i kno you're laughing arent

you? well, i hope that you'll receive my card from me to you

today. im hoping so much for that. and, hereby, im wishing

you the BEST OF EVERYTHING on your birthday!

HAVE A BLAST BIRTHDAY BABYGIRL!!

have a happy day.

with Loves from Tinkerbell ♥

Red feevah!

2010-02-08T15:09:00.003+08:00

Red gloss, Red nail color, Red pouch, Red shoe, Red dress, Red
everything. its chinese new year and so i did a little change. its
a new year and im making it as a really "new" year for me. To
forget all about yesterday and walk my way till the very end
all by myself. i will make sure that this year is gonna be a Blast
year fer me. when i say it i mean it. i will do it. watch me dont
judge me. Hahahahs. it will be a little different this year as i'll
be wearing dresses like everyday. i mean everyday in chinese
new year. yes. i will. i still dont have enough dresses and i guess
i still have to buy some more. one more thing, heels. this must
not be forgot. tbh, i suck in heels and therefore i have to practice
wearing it at home. Please, dont name me a wannabe. i aint one,
so please. its just that im growing older and i guess its time to be
more feminine and time for me to drop my borrowed-from-boy's
look. should be more polite in my speech and actions. (: ahahahs.
guess what, i will be flying off to Shanghai next month and,
this Blog here will be dead for a while. but i promise that i will
update it as soon as im back from Shanghai. im still sitting in my
room, staring out the window, watching the rain fall, and wonder
whether how will the whether in Shanghai will be? will it be hot
just like M'sia? or maybe cooler? sigh. i've made a list of what to
buy for the trip and its long. i guess i dont have the chance to get
it all. sigh. i wanna learn guitar but mummy dont allow. why?
sobx. oh shit fuck. my eyes are swollen now. due to what? tears.
oh whatever. there suppose to be no sadness in this post since the
tittle fer it is, Red Feevah. ahahahs. im currently grounded
and i got no idea of why. maybe thats the punishment for being
so bad at home? no idea. Jun Hong asked me out this Friday to
celebrate his birthday. i guess i dont have the chance to go. =(
sorray.

just another picture to be burnt into ashes.